Losers Weepers (Lost & Found 4)

“Gee, don’t soften the truth, Doc. Make us bend over before you slam it up there.”

Josie threw me a mild look of disapproval, but her hand didn’t loosen around mine.

The doctor lifted a salt-and-pepper brow at me. “I didn’t take you for the kind of patient who preferred the truth in a softened version. Shall I tailor my approach? I’ve got plenty of methods of explaining this.”

I’d barely spoken a handful of words to him, and I already knew he was the best doctor I’d ever had. “Nah, you got me profiled correctly. I don’t like it sweet and slow. I much prefer it rough and hard.”

Any other girl would have been a blushing red mess, but instead of shifting and hiding behind a sheet of hair, Josie flashed me a wink and settled the edge of her backside on the arm of my wheelchair.

“Then I guess it’s time to take a look at those X-rays and see what the future has in store for you.” Lifting the phone off its hook, he pressed a button. “Jody, would you bring in Mr. Black’s X-rays please?” He paused for a moment, nodding before replying, “Yes, I understand. Thank you for taking a look at them for me.” After that, he hung up.

Before I had a moment to prepare myself for whatever was coming, in walked a woman I assumed was Jody, carrying a file containing my X-rays—more like a file containing my fate. Josie’s hand tightened around mine. Mine did the same, and just feeling that seemingly small measure of comfort, though there was nothing small about it, reminded me that no matter what those X-rays told us, I was holding Joze’s hand, something I’d never thought I’d be able to do it again. Whatever came next, I could take it in stride.

Jody opened the file and slid a few X-rays onto the dark screen, acknowledged us with a nod, and slipped out the door. I swallowed. She hadn’t smiled or offered a greeting; she’d graced me with the slightest of glances before ducking out that door. If those X-rays told the story of a man whose back would be just fine, I doubted she would have just hightailed it out of the room like she wanted to be at the far end of the building before Dr. Murphy took a look at them.

“Let’s see what’s going on here,” Dr. Murphy said to himself as he headed over to the X-rays.

From the time he stood to the time he flipped on the screen lights and illuminated the slides of my spinal column from varying angles, I didn’t think Josie or I took a single breath. By the time the good doctor lifted his hand to his chin, rubbing at it as if he were searching for what to say, I felt like I was close to passing out from lack of oxygen.

“This is . . .” Dr. Murphy shifted his weight, still rubbing at his chin. “Interesting.” He leaned in closer to the slides, narrowing his eyes.

I stretched my neck, cracking it. Josie practically flinched when she heard the small pop.

“That’s a diagnosis I’m not sure what to do with, Doc,” I said, making sure to strip the anxiety from my voice because Josie was swimming in so much of it that it was spilling out of her ears. “What does that mean in cowboy-with-a-GED terms? Will I keep the movement from my waist up? Will I regain the feeling from my waist down?”

Dr. Murphy stayed quiet, leaning forward before leaning back and repeating the cycle. When I studied the X-rays, all I saw were a bunch of grayish-white shapes surrounded by darkness, but he apparently saw something else entirely. I saw a word where he saw a thousand-page novel.

“Doc?”

“Well, now I see why the doctor in Casper was so confused when I spoke to him about you.” He tilted his head to one side then the other.

“You’ve been staring at those things for what feels like an hour, and I still don’t know what my X-rays mean, in layman’s terms, about what I can expect in the future.” Josie slid a bit closer when my voice rose. “Rough and hard, Doc, remember? I can take it.” I waited for him to tear his eyes away from the X-rays long enough to meet mine. When he did, I leaned forward in my wheelchair. “What’s going to happen to me?”

“You want my professional opinion?” he asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his big white lab coat.

I shrugged. “That’s why we’re here.”

He took another look at the X-rays before sighing. “I don’t know.”

I stayed quiet, waiting for him to expand on that. Surely a doctor wouldn’t just say I don’t know without adding some clarifying comments, right? No doctor would look a man in the eye and tell him he wasn’t sure if everything south of his belt would ever move again and not give some additional commentary.

“With all due respect, we didn’t come here for ‘I don’t know,’ Dr. Murphy.” Josie’s voice sounded far more controlled than mine would have been. “Would you mind telling us what you do know?”

Mr. Murphy’s gaze left mine to land on Josie. The wrinkles lining his face flattened. “I can tell you that none of Garth’s vertebrae are fractured.”

Josie and I exhaled at the same time.

“But his spinal column has gone through a serious amount of trauma, and my guess is that extensive nerve damage and swelling are causing his paralysis.”

“So that means that eventually he’ll recover, right? He’ll walk again one day?”

I hadn’t realized how hope-deprived Josie was until I heard her voice right then. It was bursting with hope, but it only took one lined forehead from Dr. Murphy for her hope to peel away in layers. At the moment a doctor was about to tell me I’d never make a full recovery, I was infinitely more concerned about how the news would affect Josie than how it would affect me.

“If it’s only swelling, then yes, maybe Garth will walk again,” he said before clearing his throat. “But if nerve damage is also playing a part in his paralysis, that’s impossible to say. Sometimes nerves can repair themselves, and sometimes they cannot. It just depends on the level of damage.”

Josie was wringing my hand so hard it started to go numb. When I felt the sensation leaving my hand, I panicked and slipped it free of hers. Blood drained back into it, and the prickles started, but it took my heart a while longer to recover.

“If it is nerve damage, will he keep the motion from his waist up?” Josie sounded afraid of the question, but I knew she was more likely afraid of the answer.