And she didn’t like being human. For a time, she had convinced herself that it wasn’t too bad, but, again, she had been lying to herself in an effort to make her new life more palatable. She didn’t know how she was going to get through the next eighteen years. She had considered asking Roshan or one of the Cordova men to turn her now, but she had no idea how it would affect her. Would she be a fledgling again, compelled to spend her days at rest, no longer able to endure the sun’s light, ruled by the lust for blood? Or would she regain her full powers? There was no way to know. One thing she knew for certain, the day after Derek graduated from high school, she would seek the Dark Gift. She had hoped Logan would bring her across, but the way things stood between them now, that was no longer an option.
Mara glanced at her son, sleeping peacefully in her arms. For Derek, no sacrifice was too great. She would live and die for her son.
“Time enough to worry about the future,” Mara murmured. When she had been a vampire, eighteen years had been little more than the blink of an eye. Now it seemed like forever.
As for Kyle . . . Mara blew out a sigh. She didn’t know what she was going to do about Kyle.
Surprisingly, in the weeks and months that followed, Mara and Savanah became close friends. Then again, maybe it wasn’t surprising, since they were the only two mortal females in a family of vampires.
They went shopping together, spent afternoons in the nearby park together, took walks together. Mara baby-sat Abbey Marie when Savanah went to the dentist; Savanah baby-sat Derek when Mara needed a few hours alone.
Today they were at the park, sitting on opposite sides of a blanket while Abbey and Derek napped between them.
Mara stared at Derek. Already six months old. How quickly the months had gone by. He was quite the active little guy now, always moving when he was awake. He could already sit up by himself, loved to suck his thumb, played with his ear when he was tired, and smiled whenever he saw her. She had started giving him a bottle at night, and baby food during the day. It was hard to believe he was growing so fast. He would be walking soon. Talking. Going to school. In a few short years, she would no longer be the center of his existence. The thought filled her with a strange melancholy. She was anxious for him to grow up, wasn’t she? Anxious to return to her old life.
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” Savanah remarked.
“What? Oh, yes.” It was, indeed, a lovely spot, with a clear blue lake set in the middle of tall pines and stately oaks. Colorful flowers and shrubs lined the walkways, surrounded by white, wrought-iron fencing that was clearly intended to protect the blooms from small, curious hands.
A number of other mothers were gathered in small groups near the playground, chatting and laughing while boys and girls played on swings and slides or splashed in the kiddy pool. It seemed she and Savanah weren’t the only ones who had decided to take advantage of the unusually warm weather.
Mara sighed heavily. How had she come to this? Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to bear if she just knew why it had happened to her.
“Is something wrong?” Savanah asked.
“Why do you ask?”
“You’re wearing the same look you had at the wedding. Is it anything you want to talk about?” Leaning forward, Savanah placed her hand on Mara’s arm. “I promise not to say anything to anyone else.”
Mara lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “I miss my old life. I miss . . .” She folded her arms and gazed into the distance. She missed her preternatural vision and hearing. Living without her preternatural sight after so many centuries was like looking at the world through a filter. “I’m fine.”
“It’s Logan, isn’t it? I saw the way he looked at you at the wedding. And the way you looked at him. Why did you marry Kyle?”
“Because he’s my son’s father. Because he’s human. Because I couldn’t live with Logan.”
“Ah, I think I understand.” Savanah sat back. “It’s like being on a diet and living with someone who never gets fat. It’s hard to feel his power and know you don’t have it anymore, isn’t it?”
“Yes, exactly,” Mara said, surprised by Savanah’s perception. “I don’t like feeling helpless. I know Logan would never abuse his power, never take advantage of me, and yet . . . I’m . . . embarrassed. I’m not making sense, am I?”
“You’re making perfect sense. You’re used to being powerful and in control, and now you’re not. Of course you feel vulnerable, but . . .”
“Go on.”
“Do you think it’s fair to stay with Kyle when you’re in love with someone else?”
“I don’t know. I’ve thought about telling him the truth, but I don’t want to hurt him. And I do love him, in a way.”
“You’re just not in love with him.”
Leaning forward, Mara stroked her son’s cheek. “I wish I knew what to do,” she murmured. “I never used to be this way. I knew what I wanted, and I did it, but when I lost my powers, I seem to have lost”—she made a vague gesture with her hand—“everything.”
“Give it time,” Savanah said sympathetically. “I know it’s got to be a big adjustment for you. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like, but maybe it will get easier as time goes by.”
“Easier! I was human for twenty years. I was a vampire for over two thousand! Maybe I should just leave Derek with Kyle and . . .” Mara shook her head in exasperation. “I can’t do that. I can’t leave my baby. I never knew I could feel like this.” She stroked her son’s cheek again. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself.” Looking up, she met Savanah’s gaze. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime,” Savanah said with a smile. “That’s what friends are for.”
Kyle was in his studio when Mara returned home. “How was your day?” he asked. “Did you have a good time with Savanah?”
“Yes.” Mara settled Derek on her hip as she studied Kyle’s current work-in-progress.
The painting had been commissioned by the mayor of the city. Kyle was working off of an old photograph of the town. When completed, the painting would hang in the foyer of Porterville’s city hall.
“It’s very good,” she said, meaning it.
He shrugged. “The mayor stopped by to see it earlier today. He asked me to do a companion piece for his office, and maybe one for the post office.”