Yeah, well, I didn’t know how over my life could actually be.
Not until tonight, anyway.
Tonight, Lilly-and-Boris and Tina-and-Dave and Mia-and-Kenny were joined by a new couple, Michael-and-Judith.
That’s right: Lilly’s brother Michael showed up at the ice-skating rink, and he brought with him the president of the Computer Club—of which he is treasurer—Judith Gershner.
Judith Gershner, like Lilly’s brother Michael, is a senior at Albert Einstein High School.
Judith Gershner, like Michael, is on the honor roll.
Judith Gershner, like Michael, will probably get into every college she applies to, because Judith Gershner, like Michael, is brilliant.
In fact, Judith Gershner, like Michael, won a prize last year at the Albert Einstein High School Annual Biomedical Technology Fair for her science project, in which she actually cloned a fruit fly.
She cloned a fruit fly. At home. In her bedroom.
Judith Gershner knows how to clone fruit flies in her bedroom. And me? I can’t even multiply fractions.
Hmmm. Gee, I don’t know. If you were Michael Moscovitz—you know, a straight-A student who got into Columbia, early decision—who would you rather go out with? A girl who can clone fruit flies in her bedroom, or a girl who is getting a D in Freshman Algebra, in spite of the fact that her mother is married to her Algebra teacher?
Not that there’s even a chance of Michael ever asking me out. I mean, I have to admit, there were a couple of times when I thought he might. But that was clearly just wishful thinking on my part. I mean, why would a guy like Michael, who does really well in school and will probably excel at whatever career he ultimately chooses, ever ask out a girl like me, who would have flunked out of the ninth grade by now if it hadn’t been for all those extra tutoring sessions with Mr. Gianini, and, ironically, Michael himself?
But Michael and Judith Gershner, on the other hand, are perfect for each other. Judith even looks like him, a little. I mean, they both have the same curly black hair and pale skin from being inside all the time, looking up stuff about genomes on the Internet.
But if Michael and Judith Gershner are so suited for each other, how come when I first saw them walking toward us while we were lacing up our rental skates, I got this very bad feeling inside?
I mean, I have absolutely no right to be jealous of the fact that Michael Moscovitz asked Judith Gershner to go skating with him. Absolutely no right at all.
Except that when I first saw them together, I was shocked. I mean, Michael hardly ever leaves his room, on account of always being at his computer, maintaining his webzine, Crackhead. The last place I’d ever expected to see him is the ice-skating rink at Rockefeller Center during the height of the Christmas-tree–lighting hysteria. Michael generally avoids places he considers tourists traps, like pretty much everywhere north of Bleecker Street.
But there he was, and there was Judith Gershner, in her overalls and Rockports and ski parka, chatting away with him about something—probably something really smart, like DNA.
I nudged Lilly in the side—she was lacing up her skates—and said, in this voice that I hoped didn’t show what I was feeling inside, “Look, there’s your brother.”
And Lilly wasn’t even surprised to see him! She looked over and saw him and went, “Oh, yeah. He said he might show up.”
Show up with a date? Did he mention that? And would it have been too much for you, Lilly, to have mentioned this to me beforehand, so I could have had time for a little mental preparation?
Only Lilly doesn’t know how I feel about her brother, so I guess it never occurred to her to break it to me gently.
Here’s the subtle way in which I handled the situation. It was really smooth (NOT).
As Michael and Judith were looking around for a place to put on their skates:
Me: (Casually, to Lilly) I didn’t know your brother and Judith Gershner were going out.
Lilly: (Disgusted for some reason) Please. They’re not. She was just over at our place, working with Michael on some project for the stupid Computer Club. They heard we were all going skating, and Judith said she wanted to come, too.
Me: Well, that sounds like they’re going out to me.
Lilly: Whatever. Boris, must you constantly breathe on me?
Me: (To Michael and Judith as they walk up to us) Oh, hi, you guys. Michael, I didn’t know you knew how to ice-skate.
Michael: (shrugging) I used to be on a hockey team.
Lilly: (snorting) Yeah, Pee Wee Hockey. That was before he decided that team sports were a waste of time because the success of the team was dictated by the performance of all the players as a whole, as opposed to sports determined by individual performance such as tennis and golf.