Princess in Love (The Princess Diaries 3)

Roses are red

But cherries are redder

Maybe she can clone fruit flies

But I like you better.

What I meant was that I like him more than Judith Gershner does, but I’m not really sure that comes through in the poem. Tina says it does, but Tina thinks I should have used love instead of like, so who knows if her opinion is of any value? This is a poem clearly calling for a like and not a love.

I should know. I write enough of them.

Poems, I mean.

English Journal

This semester, we have read several novels, including To Kill a Mockingbird, Huckleberry Finn, and The Scarlet Letter. In your English journal, please record your feelings about the books we have read, and books in general. What have been your most meaningful experiences as a reader? Your favorite books? Your least favorite?

Please utilize transitive verbs.

Books I Have Read, and What They Meant to Me

by Mia Thermopolis

Books that were good:

Jaws—I bet you didn’t know that in the book version of this, Richard Dreyfuss and Roy Scheider’s wife have sex. But they do.

The Catcher in the Rye—This is totally good. It has lots of bad words.

To Kill a Mockingbird—This is an excellent book. They should do a movie version of this with Mel Gibson as Atticus, and he should blow Mr. Ewell away with a flame thrower at the end.

A Wrinkle in Time—Only we never find out the most important thing: whether or not Meg has breasts. I’m thinking she probably did, considering the fact that she already had the glasses and braces. I mean, all of that, and flat-chested, too? God wouldn’t be so cruel.

Emanuelle–In the eighth grade, my best friend and I found this book on top of a trash can on East Third Street. We took turns reading it out loud. It was very, very good. At least the parts I remember. My mom caught us reading it and took it away before we’d gotten a chance to finish it.

Books that sucked*

The Scarlet Letter—You know what would have been cool? If there had been a rift in the space-time continuum, and one of those Euro-trash terrorists Bruce Willis is always chasing in the Die Hard movies dropped a nuclear bomb on the town where Arthur Dimmesdale and all those losers lived, and blew it sky high. That’s about the only thing I can think of that would have made this book even remotely interesting.

Our Town—Okay, this is a play and not a book, but they still made us read it, and all I have to say about it is that basically, you find out when you die that nobody cared about you and we’re all alone forever, the end. Okay! Thanks for that! I feel much better now!

The Mill on the Floss—I don’t want to give anything away here, but midway through the book, just when things were going good and there were all these hot romances (not as hot as in Emanuelle, though, so don’t get your hopes up) someone very crucial to the plot DIES, which if you ask me is just a cop-out so the author could make her deadline on time.

Anne of Green Gables—All that blah-blah-blah about imagination. I tried to imagine some car chases or explosions that would actually make this book good, but I must be like all of Anne’s drippy unimaginative friends, because I couldn’t.

Little House on the Prairie—Little yawn on the big snore. I have all ninety-seven thousand of these books, because people kept on giving them to me when I was little, and all I have to say is if Half Pint had lived in Manhattan, she’d have gotten her you-know-what-kicked from here to Avenue D.

* Mrs. Spears, I believe the word sucked is transitive in this instance.

Thursday, December 11, fourth period

No PE today!

Instead there is an assembly.

And it’s not because there’s a sporting event they want us all to show our support for. No! This was no pep rally. There wasn’t a cheerleader in sight. Well, okay, there were cheerleaders in sight, but they weren’t in uniform or anything. They were sitting in the bleachers with the rest of us. Well, not really with the rest of us, since they were in the best seats, the ones in the middle, all jostling to see who could sit next to Justin Baxendale, who has apparently ousted Josh Richter as hottest guy in school, but whatever.

No. Instead, it appears that there has been a major disciplinary infraction at Albert Einstein High School. An act of random vandalism that has shaken the administration’s faith in us. Which was why they called an assembly, so that they could better convey their feelings of—as Lilly just whispered in my ear—disillusionment and betrayal.