Princess in Love (The Princess Diaries 3)

And what was this act that has Principal Gupta and the trustees so up in arms?

Why, someone pulled a fire alarm yesterday, that’s what.

Oops.

I have to say, I have never done anything really bad before—well, I dropped an eggplant out a sixteenth floor window a couple of months ago, but no one got hurt or anything—but there really is something sort of thrilling about it. I mean, I would never want to do anything too bad, like anything where someone might get hurt.

But I have to say, it is immensely gratifying to have all these people coming up to the microphone and decrying my behavior.

I probably wouldn’t feel so good about it if I’d gotten caught, though.

I am being urged to come forward and turn myself in even as I wr

ite this. Apparently, the guilt for my action is going to hound me well past my teen years, possibly even into my twenties and beyond.

Okay, can I just tell you how much I’m NOT going to think about high school when I am in my twenties? I am going to be way too busy working with Greenpeace to save the whales to worry about some stupid fire alarm I pulled in the ninth grade.

The administration is offering a reward for information leading to the identity of the perpetrator of this heinous crime. A reward! You know what the reward is? A free movie pass to the Sony Imax theater. That’s all I’m worth! A movie pass!

The only person who could possibly turn me in isn’t even paying attention to the assembly. I can see Justin Baxendale has got a Gameboy out, and is playing it with the sound off, while Lana and her fellow cheer cronies look over his broad shoulders, probably panting so hard they’re fogging up the screen.

I guess Justin hasn’t put two and two together yet. You know, about seeing me in the hallway just before that fire alarm went off. With any luck, he never will.

Mr. Gianini, though. That’s another story. I see him over there, talking to Mrs. Hill. He has obviously not told anyone that he suspects me.

Maybe he doesn’t suspect me. Maybe he thinks Lilly did it, and I know about it. That could be. I can tell Lilly really wishes she’d done it, because she keeps on muttering under her breath about how, when she finds out who did it, she’s going to kill that person, etc.

She’s just jealous, of course. That’s because now it seems like some kind of political statement, instead of what it actually was: a way to prevent a political statement.

Principal Gupta is looking at us very sternly. She says that it is always natural to want to burn off a little steam right before finals, but that she hopes we will choose positive channels for this, such as the penny drive the Community Outreach Club is holding in order to benefit the victims of Tropical Storm Fred, which flooded several suburban New Jersey neighborhoods last November.

Ha! As if contributing to a stupid penny drive can ever give anybody the same kind of thrill as committing a completely random act of civil disobedience.

LILLY MOSCOVITZ’S LIST OF THE

TOP TEN BEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME

(with commentary by Mia Thermopolis)

Say Anything: Kick-boxing iconoclast Lloyd Dobler, as played by John When-is-He-Going-to-Run-for-President-So-We-Can-Have-Someone-Cute-in-the-Oval-Office Cusack, goes after the class brain (Ione Skye), who soon learns what we all know: Lloyd is every girl’s dream date. He understands us. He longs to protect us from broken glass in the parking lot of the local Seven Eleven. Need we say more? (This movie also contains classic song, Joe Lies.)

Reckless: Rebel from wrong side of tracks (Aidan Quinn) goes after straight-arrow cheerleader (Daryl Hannah). A classic example of teens struggling to break the yoke of parental expectation. (Plus you get to see Aidan Quinn’s you-know-what!)

Desperately Seeking Susan: Bored suburban housewife finds man of her dreams in East Village. An Eighties manifesto about female empowerment. Also starring Madonna and that lady who played Roseanne’s sister Jackie. (Also starring Aidan Quinn as the East Village hottie, only you don’t really get to see his you-know-what in this one. But you do get to see his butt!)

Ladyhawke: Star-crossed lovers are caught in an evil spell that only Matthew Broderick can help them break. Rutger Hauer makes a powerful Navarre, a knight who lives only to exact vengeance upon the man who wronged his fair Isabeau, played by Michelle Pfeiffer. An elegant and moving love story. (But what is with Matthew Broderick’s hair?)

Dirty Dancing: Spoiled teenage Baby learns a lot more than the cha-cha from long-haired summer resort dance instructor Johnny. A classic tale of coming-of-age in the Catskills, with important messages about the class system in America. (Only you don’t get to see anyone’s butt.)

Flashdance: A welder by day and an exotic dancer by night, Jennifer Beals’s Alex is a feminist in a thong, the Elizabeth Cady Stanton of the lap dance, who longs to audition for the Pittsburgh ballet. (But first she sleeps with her totally hot boss Michael Nouri and throws a big rock through his window!)

The Cutting Edge: Former hockey stud D.B. Sweeney is paired with figure skater and prissy rich girl Moira Kelly in an unlikely quest for Olympic gold. Interesting for its strategic build-up of sexual tension through ice dancing. (Toe-pick. Toooooooe-pick.)

Some Kind of Wonderful: Victory of tomboy Mary Stuart Masterson over prissy Lea Thompson for the heart of Eric Stolz. As usual, keen insight by John Hughes into the teen psyche/social structure. (Last movie in which Eric Stolz was actually cute.)

Reality Bites: Who will indie filmmaker Winona Ryder choose, smart aleck slacker Ethan Hawke, or clean-cut go-getter Ben Stiller? (Isn’t it obvious?)

Footloose: Out-of-towner flaunts small town’s anti-dancing laws. Starring Kevin Bacon, who saves Lori Singer from her abusive hick boyfriend. Most notable for scene at the PTA meeting in which Kevin Bacon’s character reveals he has actually done homework, as illustrated by his quoting from several Biblical passages which support dancing. (In the movies Wild Thing and Hollow Man you get to see Kevin Bacon’s you-know-what.)