ILUVROMANCE: But where am I going to find a boy who appreC8s me at AEHS? All the boys who go there are morons. Except MM of course.
FT LOUIE: Don’t worry, we’ll find someone for you. I have to go IM my dad now—
I didn’t want to tell her that the person I really had to IM was Michael. I didn’t want to rub it in that I had a boyfriend and she didn’t. Also, I hoped she didn’t remember that in Genovia, where my dad was, it was four o’clock in the morning. Also that the Palais de Genovia isn’t exactly state-of-the-art, technologically speaking.
FT LOUIE: —so TTYL.
ILUVROMANCE: OK, bye. If U feel like chatting later, I’ll be here. I have nowhere else to go.
Poor, sweet Tina! She is clearly prostrate with grief. Really, if you think about it, she is well rid of Dave. If he wanted to leave her for this Jasmine girl so badly, he could have let her down gently by cat-on-the-roofing her. If he was any kind of gentleman, he would have. But it was all too clear now that Dave was no gentleman at all.
I’m glad my boyfriend is different. Or at least, I hope he is. No, wait—of course he is. He’s MICHAEL.
FT LOUIE: Hey!
LINUX RULZ: Hey back atcha! Where have you been?
FT LOUIE: Princess lessons.
LINUX RULZ: Don’t you know everything there is to know about being a princess yet?
FT LOUIE: Apparently not. Grandmère’s got me in for some fine tuning. Speaking of which, is there,like, a later showing of Star Warsthan the seven o’clock?
LINUX RULZ: Yeah, there’s an eleven. Why?
FT LOUIE: Oh, nothing.
LINUX RULZ: WHY?
But see here was the part where I couldn’t do it. Maybe because of the capital letters, or maybe because my conversation with Tina was still too fresh in my mind. The unparalleled sadness in her blue U s was just too much for me. I know I should have just come right out and told him about the ball thingie right then and there, only I couldn’t go through with it. All I could think about was how incredibly smart and gifted Michael is, and what a pathetic talentless freak I am, and how easy it would be for him to go out and find someone worthier of his attentions.
So instead, I wrote
FT LOUIE: I’ve been trying to think of some names for your band.
LINUX RULZ: What does that have to do with whether or not there’s a later showing of Star WarsFriday night?
FT LOUIE: Well, nothing, I guess. Except what do you think of Michael and the Wookiees?
LINUX RULZ : I think maybe you’ve been playing with Fat Louie’s catnip mouse again.
FT LOUIE : Ha ha. OK, how about the Ewoks?
LINUX RULZ: The EWOKS? Where did your grandma take you today when she hauled you out of homeroom? Electric shock therapy?
FT LOUIE: I’m only trying to help.
LINUX RULZ : I know, sorry. Only I don’t think the guys would really enjoy being equated with furry little muppets from the planet Endor. I mean, I know one of them is Boris, but even he would
draw the line at Ewoks, I hope—
FT LOUIE : BORIS PELKOWSKI IS IN YOUR BAND????
LINUX RULZ: Yeah. Why?
FT LOUIE: Nothing.
All I can say is, if I had a band, I would not let Boris in it. I mean, I know he is a talented musician and all, but he is also a mouth breather. I think it’s great that he and Lilly get along so great, and for short periods of time, I can totally put up with him and even have a nice time with him and all. But I would not let him be in my band. Not unless he stopped tucking his sweaters into his pants.