Princess in Pink (The Princess Diaries 5)

“Uh-huh,” I go.

“And now I am going to grow old and die a spinster with maybe some cats or something. Not that there is anything wrong with that, because of course I don’t need a man to be fulfilled as a human being, but still, I always pictured myself with a live-in lover at the very least….”

“Uh-huh,” I go. I just now noticed to my extreme annoyance that Rommel has decided to use my backpack as his own personal bed. Also that Grandmère has very cavalierly draped her sleep mask over one of my Disney Princess snowglobes.

“And I know that I took him for granted and never even let him get to second base, but seriously, he can’t really think Tina is going to let him, can he? I mean, she is fully the type of girl who will demand a marriage proposal at the very least before she even lets him look under her shirt—”

Ooooh. This conversation suddenly got very interesting. “Really? You and Boris never got to second base?”

“Well, it never really came up,” Lilly says, sounding very forlorn.

“What about you and Jangbu?”

Silence on the other end of the phone. Guilty silence, though. I can tell.

Still, it’s good to know she and Boris never engaged in any full-frontal chestal activities. I mean, it will make Tina happy… as soon as I can get off the phone with Lilly and tell her, I mean.

I wonder if Michael and I will get to second base tomorrow night… after all, I’ll be wearing my first strapless gown.

And it IS the prom….

Saturday, May 10, 7 a.m.

One would think that a PRINCESS would get to sleep in on the day of her first PROM.

BUT OH NO.

Instead of being wakened by the sound of birdsong, like princesses in books, I was wakened by the sound of Rommel shrieking as Fat Louie beat him senseless for getting into his bowl of Fancy Feast.

I am having a hard time summoning up any real sympathy for Rommel. After all, if it weren’t for his behavior on my birthday, he wouldn’t be in this position right now.

Although it is wrong to think Rommel could really have behaved any differently. He didn’t exactly ASK Grandmère to bring him along to my birthday dinner. And it is clear to me now, having lived with him for several days, that Rommel, more than anyone I know, suffers from Asperger’s syndrome.

Oh God. I can hear the Gorgon stirring even now….

Maybe if I go grab my prom dress and run out the door now, I can hightail it uptown to Tina’s and prepare for the Big Night in the relative privacy of her place….

Oh, my God. That’s it. That’s exactly what I’ll do! Why didn’t I think of it before? I hate to leave my mom and Mr. G alone with Grandmère all day again, but really, what choice do I have? THIS IS THE PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If ever there was a time for emergency action, this is it.

Saturday, May 10, 2 p.m., Tina’s place

Well, I did it. I escaped from Casa Horrifico.

Tina and I are safely ensconced in her room, having our pores unclogged by heat-action mud masks. We just had our nails done at Miz Nail down the street (well, I basically just had my cuticles done, since I don’t really have any nails), and in a little while, Mrs. Hakim Baba’s hairdresser is coming over to do our coiffures.

This is so how you are supposed to spend your prom day: beautifying yourself instead of listening to your mother and your grandmother bicker over who drank the last of the Pedialyte (Grandmère, it turns out, likes it with a splash of vodka).

Of course, I feel badly that my mother doesn’t get to share in this very important day in my formative development as a woman. However, she has more important things to worry about. Such as gestating. And doing her breathing exercises, to keep herself from killing Grandmère.

Reports from the strike negotiations are not promising. Last time we turned on New York One, the mayor was urging all New Yorkers to stock up on staples such as bread and milk, since we were no longer going to be able to turn to our local Chinese restaurants or pizzerias for sustenance.

Really, I don’t know what Mr. G and Mom and Grandmère are going to eat without delivery from Number One Noodle Son. They better hope they can pick up some prepared food at Jefferson Market….

Not that any of that is my concern. Not today. Because today, the only thing I am going to worry about is looking beautiful for the prom.

Because today, I am just like any other girl on her prom day. Today, I am a