Except that to Do It you actually have to take your CLOTHES OFF. In FRONT OF THE OTHER PERSON. I mean, unless you’re one of those Orthodox Jews who do it through a hole in the sheet like Barbra Streisand in Yentl.
And I do not think I am ready to TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF in front of Michael. It is bad enough taking them off in front of Lana Weinberger in the locker room first thing in the morning. I don’t think I could ever take them off in front of a BOY. Especially not a boy I am actually in love with and hope to marry someday, if he ever asks me and if I ever get over this whole spastic not-wanting-to-take-my-clothes-off-in-front-of-him thing.
Although, I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing Michael with HIS clothes off.
Is this a double standard?
I wonder if my mom felt the same about Wendell Jenkins. She MUST have, or she wouldn’t have Done It with him.
And yet here she is, more than twenty years later, and she doesn’t even know where he IS now.
Wait, I bet I could find him. I could do a Yahoo! People search!
OH, MY GOD!!! HERE HE IS!!!! WENDELL JENKINS!!! I mean, there’s no picture, but he works for…OH, MY GOD, HE WORKS FOR THE VERSAILLES POWER COMPANY!!!! HE IS THE GUY WHO FIXES THE POWER LINES WHEN YOUR LIGHTS GO OUT BECAUSE OF A TORNADO OR WHATEVER!!!!
I cannot believe my mom gave the flower of her virginity to a guy who now works for the VERSAILLES POWER COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not that there is anything wrong with someone who works for the power company. It is no different than being a high school Algebra teacher, I guess.
But at least Mr. G doesn’t have to wear a JUMPSUIT to work.
I wonder if April Pollack, the girl who became Mrs. Wendell Jenkins instead of my mom, is on here.
OH, MY GOD! She is!!!! APRIL POLLACK WAS ELECTED CORN PRINCESS OF VERSAILLES, INDIANA, IN 1985!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom Did It with a guy who
later went on to marry a corn princess.
Which is very ironic, considering my mom later went on to have the illegitimate child of a prince! Hello, I wonder if Wendell even knows this. That his ex, Helen Thermopolis, is the mother of the heir to the throne of GENOVIA. I bet he wouldn’t feel so good about having dumped her for Miss Corn Princess April if he knew THAT, would he????
Although, I guess he didn’t really dump her, if it’s true what my mom said about her and Wendell wanting different things.
Could this happen to me and Michael? Could we want different things someday? In twenty years, will Michael be married, not to the princess of Genovia, but to some CORN PRINCESS????
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE IS IMing ME!!!! Who could it be NOW?
Help! It’s Michael!
SKINNERBX: Hey!
Since going Mac, Michael’s changed his IM address. It used to be LinuxRulz.
SKINNERBX: How was your first day back?
Oh, my God. He hasn’t heard. Well, how WOULD he? It’s not like he was there. Or like Lilly would tell him. Since they don’t live together anymore.
FTLOUIE: It was…the usual.
Well, it WAS. My life is a constant roller coaster…joy followed by crushing disappointments, with occasional patches where nothing at all happens and I just admire the scenery.
I figured I should change the subject.
FTLOUIE: How was YOUR first day?
SKINNERBX: Fantastic! Today in my Economics of Sustainable Development class the professor talked about how in the next 10 to 20 years, petroleum, the cheapest and most effective fuel on the planet—you know, what we use in cars and to heat our homes and in ChapStick and all—will run out. See, 100 years ago, when petroleum was first discovered, the world population was only two billion. Now, with six billion people—a population explosion almost directly caused by more easily accessible fuel—the earth cannot maintain that many people with the amount of petroleum it has left. Since the population isn’t getting any smaller, oil consumption isn’t going to decrease, so in about two decades—maybe more, but probably less, at the rate we’re going—we’re going to run out, and if we don’t find a way to get at the petroleum buried deep beneath the seas—without destroying the environment—or start converting to nuclear or hydro or solar power, everyone will be plunged back into the dark ages, and people worldwide will starve and/or freeze to death.
FTLOUIE: So, in other words…in about ten to fifteen years, we’re all going to die?