Oh. Tina, I don’t know how to break this to you…but that sounds like a little more than Boris might be able to afford. I mean, he IS still in high school.
I know. That’s why I suggested he start saving his allowance now. Also, that he better have more than just that one condom he’s been carrying around in his wallet for the past two years.
Boris has a condom in his wallet???? Right NOW??????????
Oh, yes. He is very proactive. That is one of the reasons I love him.
WOULD YOU GUYS PLEASE QUIT PASSING NOTES AND PAY ATTENTION? THIS IS THE BEST TEACHER WE HAVE EVER HAD AND YOU TWO ARE TOTALLY EMBARRASSING ME WITH YOUR INABILITY TO PAY ATTENTION—
Wait. What’s this about a condom?
Nothing! Eyes front!
Who are you guys talking about, anyway?
No one, Lilly. Never mind. Look, she’s passing back our expository writing samples.
I suppose you think that’s going to distract me. I want to know who you guys are talking about. WHO carries around a condom??
Pay attention, Lilly!
Right! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. What did you get, anyway? An A as usual, Miss I Always Get An A in English?
Well, I DID work really hard on it—
Ha! THAT’s not an A!!!! Told you. You really should be paying attention in this class if you’re serious about this writing thing.
Wednesday, September 9, French
I don’t understand this. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS.
I am a talented writer. I KNOW I am. I have been TOLD I am. By more than one person.
I mean, I’m not saying I don’t have more to learn. I know I do. I know I’m no Danielle Steel. Yet. I know I have a lot of work to do before I can ever hope to win a Booker Prize or one of those other awards writers get.
But a B????
I have never gotten a B on an English assignment in my life!!!!
There must be some mistake.
I was in so much shock after I got my paper back that I think I just sat there with my mouth hanging open for a very long period of time…long enough for the line of people gathered around Ms. Martinez’s desk to thin out enough for her to finally notice me, and go, “Yes, Mia? Do you have a question?”
“This is a B,” was all I managed to choke out. On account of my throat had kind of closed up. And my palms were sweaty. And my fingers were shaking.
Because I have never gotten a B on an English assignment before. Never, never, never, never…
“Mia, you’re a very good writer,” Ms. Martinez said. “But you lack discipline.”
“I do?” I licked my lips. They had gotten all parched, just while I was sitting there, it seemed to me.
Ms. Martinez shook her head all sadly.
“I realize it isn’t entirely your fault,” Ms. Martinez went on. “You’ve probably been getting A’s in your English classes for years using the same cartoonish slapstick humor and slick popular culture references you used in your writing sample. I’m sure your teachers were too busy dealing with students who couldn’t write at all to deal with one who clearly can. But, Mia, don’t you see? This kind of self-conscious pseudo-zaniness has no place in a serious expositional work. If you don’t learn to discipline yourself, you’ll never grow as a writer. Pieces like this one you handed in to me only prove that you have a way with words, NOT that you are a writer.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. All I knew was, I had gotten a B. A B!!! IN ENGLISH.
“If I write a new one,” I asked, “will you accept it in the place of this one, and cancel out my B?”