AND I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I WAS SO STUNNED!!!!!!!
Because to me, J.P. is the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili. He’s not John Paul Reynolds-Abernathy the Fourth. The Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili doesn’t have a NAME. He’s just… the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili. The guy I wrote a short story about. A short story that was rejected by Sixteen magazine. A short story I hope to expand into a novel someday.
A short story at the end of which the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili throws himself under the F train.
How can I talk to a guy I had throw himself under a train—even if it WAS only fiction?
Worse, on her way out after the auditions were over, Tina (Jessica Simpson’s “With You”) was all, “Hey, you know what? The Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili is kinda cute. I mean, when he’s not freaking out about corn.”
“Yeah,” Lilly agreed. “Now that you mention it, he kinda is.”
I waited for Lilly to add something like, “Too bad he’s such a freak,” or “It’s a shame about the corn thing.” But she didn’t. SHE DIDN’T.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My friends think the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili is cute!!!! A guy I KILLED in my short story!
And it’s all Grandmère’s fault. If she hadn’t got it into her head to buy a stupid faux island, it would never have occurred to her to write a musical—let alone put it on—for my school, and I never would have met the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili, much less found out that his nickname is J.P. and that, contrary to the character in my short story about him, he is NOT an existential loner, but actually just a nice guy who has a pretty good singing voice, and who my friends think is cute (and they’re right, he is).
God, I hate her.
Well, okay, it’s wrong to hate people.
But I don’t love her, let’s put it that way. In fact, on the list of people I love, Grandmère isn’t even in the top five.
PEOPLE I LOVE, IN ORDER OF
HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM:
1. Fat Louie
2. Rocky
3. Michael
4. My mom
5. My dad
6. Lars
7. Lilly
8. Tina
9. Shameeka/Ling Su/Perin
10. Mr. G
11. Pavlov, Michael’s dog
12. The Drs. Moscovitz
13. Tina Hakim Baba’s little brother and sisters
14. Mrs. Holland, my government teacher last semester