FTLOUIE: WHAT??? What are you talking about? I DO NOT LIKE J.P.
WOMYNRULE: Sure you don’t. I bet if I looked at your nostrils right now, they’d be flaring.
FTLOUIE: OMG, I am NOT lying. Lilly, I love your brother, and ONLY your brother. You KNOW that. What is WRONG with you?
WOMYNRULE: terminated
Wow. It’s a good thing her parents aren’t telling her about their separation just yet. If this is how she acts when she DOESN’T know about it, I hate to think how she’s going to act when she DOES.
Unless she DOES know, like Michael suspects, and she’s just PRETENDING she doesn’t know. That would explain a lot about her current behavior.
But regardless, at least I know what I have to do now. My mission is, at last, clear. A feeling of calm has descended over me.
Oh, wait, that’s just Fat Louie, sleeping on my feet.
Still. I have a plan.
About how I’m going to keep J.P. from reading “No More Corn!”, I mean. I don’t know what I’m going to do about the rest of the mess that is my life.
But I know what I’m going to do about Fat Louie’s Pink Butthole.
And truthfully, I think Carl Jung AND Alfred Marshall would approve.
From the desk of
Her Royal Highness
Princess Amelia Mignonette
Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo
Dear Dr. Carl Jung,
Hi. Sorry about my last letter. I was kind of…you know…c
uckoo.
Well, you know all about that. I mean, you devoted your entire career to the study of cuckoos like me.
Anyway, just wanted to say not to worry. Things are better now. I think I finally get it. You know, the whole transcendence thing. It’s not about what’s happening INSIDE you. It’s what you put OUT that matters.
Well, not, you know, put out like sex. But I mean what you put out into the universe. It’s about being kind to others, and telling the truth instead of lying all the time, and using your powers for good and not evil. Like, if your boyfriend is having a party, you should just go and try to have a good time, instead of resorting to elaborate schemes to try to make him think you’re a party girl.
And if your friend is going to run a story in a magazine that could really hurt someone’s feelings, you should stop her.
Right?
Anyway, I’m seriously going to devote the rest of my life to Telling the Truth and Doing Good Works. I really mean that. Because I know now that it’s the only way I’m going to achieve self-actualization, and that people like my grandmother and Lana Weinberger who resort to lies and blackmail and abuse the law of supply and demand will never find spiritual enlightenment.
Anyway, seeing as how I have now pledged to walk the Path of Truth and all of that, do you think there’s a chance that part of my self-actualization, when it comes after I perform all my good works, could be getting my boyfriend to forgive me for being such a freak? Because I seriously miss him.
I hope that’s not asking too much. I honestly don’t mean to be selfish. It’s just, you know. I love him, and all.
Hopefully,
Your friend,
Mia Thermopolis