WOMYNRULE: Sorry. I’m sure things with you and Boris are totally different.
ILUVROMANCE: Dang straight.
WOMYNRULE: But you know what I mean. Things with J. P. are still so…well…you know.
Did we ever. Because Lilly can talk of hardly anything else. I had never seen her so besotted for a guy. I suppose because J. P. keeps her guessing as to what his real feelings for her are. It seems like all I ever hear from her these days—when she isn’t going on about her hatred for Andy Milonakis—is Do you think he likes me? I mean, we go out, and stuff, and we kiss, but he doesn’t say stuff, you know, about how he feels about me. Do you think that’s weird? I mean, what kind of guy doesn’t talk about his feelings? Well, okay, I know MOST guys don’t talk about their feelings. But I mean, what guy who goes to AEHS doesn’t want to talk about his feelings? Who isn’t gay, I mean?
As if I’m supposed to know.
ILUVROMANCE: Has he still not said the L word, Lilly?
WOMYNRULE: He hasn’t even said the G word. As in, that I’m his girlfriend.
FTLOUIE: Have YOU said the L word to HIM? Or the B word?
WOMYNRULE: Of COURSE not. We’ve only been going out for a little over a month. I don’t want to scare him off.
FTLOUIE: Faint heart never won fair lady.
WOMYNRULE: Stop quoting Gilbert and Sullivan at me. I want him to say the L word first. Is that such a crime? WHY WON’T HE SAY IT????
ILUVROMANCE: Well, you know J. P. has always been something of a loner. He probably just doesn’t know how to act around girls.
WOMYNRULE: Do you really think so?
FTLOUIE: Totally. Oh my God, you guys, check it out: J. P.’s like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, you know, when Belle first comes to live in the palace, and the Beast is all mean to her? Because, just like the Beast was alone in his castle for all those years, J. P. sat by himself at a lunch table for a really long time, so maybe he isn’t entirely sure how people are supposed to interact, because he hasn’t had all that much experience with human interaction—JUST LIKE THE BEAST!!! So he may come off as gruff or nonemotional, when I’m sure the opposite is true—JUST LIKE THE BEAST!!!!
WOMYNRULE: Mia, I know Beauty and the Beast is your favorite musical, and all. But I think that’s sort of stretching it.
ILUVROMANCE: No, I think Mia is right. All J. P. needs is the right woman to unlock his heart—which up until now he has kept in a cold, hard shell for his own emotional protection—and he will be like an unstoppable volcano of passion.
WOMYNRULE: In that case, why hasn’t he exploded already? Unless you’re implying I’m not the right woman to unlock his heart.
ILUVROMANCE: I’m not saying that! I’m just saying that it won’t be easy.
FTLOUIE: Yeah. Like it wasn’t easy for Belle to win the Beast’s trust.
WOMYNRULE: Whatever! It took her, like, two songs!
ILUVROMANCE: Yeah, but real life isn’t like a musical. Unfortunately.
FTLOUIE: Maybe if you said you loved him first, it would cause the first crack in his hard outer shell….
WOMYNRULE: I AM NOT SAYING I LOVE HIM FIRST!!!!
SKINNERBX: Mia? Are you still there?
My boyfriend! I had gotten so involved talking about Lilly’s boyfriend, I totally forgot about my own!
FTLOUIE: Of course I am. Hang on a minute.
FTLOUIE: You guys, I have to go, but one last thing: I AM NOT HAVING A SWEET SIXTEEN PARTY AND THAT’S FINAL. GOT IT?
WOMYNRULE: God, alright already. You don’t have to shout.
ILUVROMANCE: Mia, no one wants you to do anything you don’t want to do. But your sweet sixteen IS a big deal….
FTLOUIE: NO PARTY.