Princess on the Brink (The Princess Diaries 8)

“Really.” Michael TOTALLY looked as if he didn’t believe me. “So if we make love tonight, you are not going to be mad when I leave for Japan tomorrow?”

“No,” I said. I was sure my nostrils were flaring like crazy because I was telling such a whopper. But I hoped the lights were low enough that he wouldn’t notice. “But, I mean…I guess I have to say I’m kind of surprised you’d still WANT to go. Considering, you know. It’s sex. With me. On what could be a regular basis.”

“Mia,” Michael said. “I keep telling you—part of the reason I’m going is for US. So people like your grandmother will stop asking, ‘Why is she with HIM? She’s a princess, and he’s just some random guy she went to high school with.’”

“I understand,” I said. I was trying to be way mature, but I have to admit, I felt like crying. It wasn’t just that he’d said he would still go to Japan even if we Did It. It was that…well, I sort of had the feeling we weren’t actually going to Do It after all now, because truthfully the mood was kind of spoiled, and I was actually disappointed.

I guess I had been kind of looking forward to it. Throw-up feeling aside.

“I know that you feel like you have to prove you’re worthy of me, and all that,” I went on, hardly even knowing what I was saying, I was trying so hard to salvage the situation. Because I thought MAYBE there was a chance, that if we actually went ahead and Did It after all, he’d change his mind afterward. I mean, what if it was just that he didn’t yet know what he was missing? “And I know your robotic surgical arm is important. But I think WE’RE more important. OUR LOVE is more important. And I think giving each other the Precious Gift of our virginity would be the most powerful expression of our love ever.”

And Michael went, “The precious WHAT?”

That is the thing about boys. They just don’t KNOW anything. I mean, they know about Halo and HTML and robotic surgical arms, but important stuff? Not so much.

“The Precious Gift of our virginity,” I repeated. “I think we should give it to each other. Now. Tonight.”

And then Michael said the thing that COMPLETELY and TOTALLY freaked me out. The other stuff—about how he planned on going to Japan tomorrow regardless of whether or not we had sex—was NOTHING compared to what Michael said next. Which was:

“Mia.” He looked at me like I was nuts. “I gave my—what’d you call it? Oh, yeah, my Precious Gift—away a long time ago.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At first I just figured I had misunderstood him. I mean, because he was LAUGHING as he said it, like it was no big deal. Surely no one would LAUGH as they said they’d given away their Precious Gift. No one who meant it SERIOUSLY.

But when I just looked at him, Michael stopped laughing and went, “Wait. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

And this horrible cold feeling crept over me.

“Michael,” I said. It was as if someone had lowered the air-conditioning in the room about ten degrees all of a sudden. “Are you not a virgin?”

And he went, “No, of course not. You know that.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To which, of course, I replied, “NO, I DID NOT KNOW THAT!” and “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

And Michael actually started to look alarmed. I guess because I yelled it so loud. But I didn’t care. Because

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Well,” he said. “I guess we never actually TALKED about it, but I didn’t think it was a big deal—”

“YOU HAVE HAD SEX BEFORE, AND YOU DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS A BIG DEAL??? A BIG ENOUGH DEAL TO TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND????”

Seriously, I know it sounds lame, but I was about to cry. Because—his Precious Gift! And he had given it to someone else! And never even thought it was a big enough deal to tell me about it!

“It was before you and I even started going out,” Michael said. He looked totally panicky now. Not that I cared. “I didn’t think—I mean, it was so long ago—”

“WHO?” I couldn’t stop yelling. I wanted to. I knew I wasn’t being cool. I’m sure this wasn’t how Tina acted when Boris tearfully confessed about Lilly having Touched It.

But I genuinely couldn’t help myself. “WHO WAS IT?”

“Who’d I have sex with?” Michael kept blinking. “I don’t think I want to tell you. You might try to kill her or something. Your eyes are actually spinning around in their sockets a little bit right now.”