Princess Mia (The Princess Diaries 9)

ILUVROMANCE: Right. But didn’t you go see Beauty and the Beast with J. P. last night?

FTLOUIE: Well, yes. But it was perfectly innocent. We just went as FRIENDS.

ILUVROMANCE: But didn’t you say in the past that your ideal man is one who can sit through an entire performance of Beauty and the Beast, the most romantic and beautiful story ever told, and not snicker in the wrong places?

FTLOUIE: Yes. But that was a long time ago. And I’ve realized since then that I was wrong. Now my ideal man is one who snickers.

ILUVROMANCE: Well, you’d better tell Lilly that.

FTLOUIE: Why? What’s she saying? Wait a minute—how does she even KNOW what J.P. and I did last night? How do YOU even know?

ILUVROMANCE: Oh…you haven’t seen it?

FTLOUIE: SEEN WHAT????

ILUVROMANCE: The giant photo of you and J.P. coming out of the theater that’s in the New York Post this morning, with the headline “Heartbroken Princess Finds New Love”?

HEARTBROKEN PRINCESS FINDS NEW LOVE

It looks like splitsville for New York’s own Princess Mia Thermopolis (of Genovia) and her longtime boyfriend, Columbia University student—and commoner—Michael Moscovitz.

Moscovitz is rumored to have accepted a yearlong appointment at a Japanese robotics firm in Tsukuba, where he’ll be working on a top secret project.

But her Royal Highness doesn’t appear to be pining for her onetime love—or wasting any time getting back into the dating scene. Her former beau has already been replaced by a mystery man who accompanied the young royal to a performance of the long-running Broadway show Beauty and the Beast Friday evening. Undisclosed sources say that the young man is none other than John Paul Reynolds-Abernathy IV, son of the wealthy theater promoter and producer John Paul Reynolds-Abernathy III.

A fellow theater patron who observed the young couple in their private box asserted, “They certainly seemed cozy up there,” while another stated, “They make a very attractive couple. They’re both so tall and blond.”

When asked for a statement, a Genovian palace spokesman has said, “We do not comment on the princess’s personal life.”

Saturday, September 11, 10 a.m., the loft

Well. At least now I know why I haven’t heard from Lilly.

Which is so messed up on so many levels. I mean, first of all, it was only a peck.

And second of all, they were already broken up when the peck took place. And third of all, WE WENT TO THE SHOW AS FRIENDS. How could anyone in their right mind think I’m GOING OUT with J.P. Reynolds-Abernathy the Fourth?

I mean, sure, he’s funny and cute and a nice guy and all. Don’t get me wrong.

But my heart belongs to Michael Moscovitz, and always will!

None of this makes any sense. Lilly is supposed to be my best friend. How can she believe something so horrible of me?

And it’s true, I was pretty awful to her brother this week. But that was only because I (stupidly) didn’t realize what a great thing we had, until I went and lost it.

But I APOLOGIZED to him. It’s only a matter of time (two hours) until he gets my e-mail and calls me (please, God) and we patch things up and he sends me back my snowflake necklace and we’re back together and everything’s fine again.

Unless he happens to check Google News and sees the giant article about me and J.P.

But why would he believe it? He never believed any of the lies the paparazzi was always reporting about me and James Franco. Why would he believe THIS one?

He wouldn’t. He can’t.

So what is Lilly’s problem?

Anyway. I am not going to freak out. It’s true that in the past, I would be hysterical over something like this. I’d be calling my dad and begging him to have our lawyers demand a retraction. I’d be trying to get to the bottom of who’d tipped the papers off—as if I didn’t know (Grandmère). I’d be frantically e-mailing Michael, hysterically explaining that none of it’s true.

But not now. I’m way too mature for all that. Also, I’m used to it.