Princess Mia (The Princess Diaries 9)

And besides: I am way too freaked out as it is. How could I possibly freak out any more? I can barely hold on to my pen to write this, my hand is so drenched in sweat.

So…whatever. I’m going to allow Lilly a little cooling-off period. I’m sure when she’s having her party and everyone is there but me (I called Tina after I ran out and got the paper. I told her that of COURSE she has to go to Lilly’s party, even though she was going to boycott out of solidarity with me. But I actually need her to go so I can find out what Lilly is saying about me. I swear, if Lilly’s bad-mouthing me, I will call the Federal Communications Commission and report the fact that she used the S word on last week’s episode of Lilly Tells It Like It Is, while she was describing the current state of affairs in Iraq), she’ll start missing me and invite me over.

And then I’ll go and we’ll hug it out and it will all be fine.

I’ll just sit here and do my Precalculus homework

until then. Because God knows I didn’t pay much attention last week, so I have NO IDEA what’s going on in that class. Or any of my classes, really. The last thing I need, on top of everything else that’s going on, is to flunk out of high school.

And I think while I’m doing that, I’ll finish off the rest of the pork dumplings left over from Number One Noodle Son (this meat thing is unreal. Once you start eating it, you really can’t stop).

Because that’s how a mature person would handle the situation.

TWO HOURS TILL HE LANDS!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Saturday, September 11, 10:15 a.m., the loft

So I just put my name in the Google News search engine to see how many stories there were about me, and what the likelihood of Michael seeing that piece about me and J.P. is and…

…there are 527 RSS articles about it.

And that’s not all.

I went to Google Blog Search to see if anyone was blogging about me, and there’s a new website up: www.ihatemiathermopolis.com.

There’s a list there of the top ten stupidest things about Mia Thermopolis. Number one is my hair.

Number ten is my name.

The stuff in between gets progressively worse.

I know I’m supposed to ignore my negative press. Grandmère told me if I react to it or acknowledge it in any way, I’m only feeding into it, and giving the haters MORE to write about.

But this. This is really…

Great. Just great. Like I don’t have ENOUGH to worry about.

Now somebody out there in the world hates me enough to point out for the whole world to read that with my new haircut, my ears resemble teapot handles.

Just what I need.

Saturday, September 11, 10:30 a.m., the loft

Dear Michael,

By now you’ve probably seen

Dear Michael,

Hi! I was just wondering if you’d seen

Dear Michael,

Whatever you do, don’t look at

Dear Founder of ihatemiathermopolis.com,

IF YOU HATE ME SO MUCH WHY DON’T YOU JUST TELL IT TO MY FACE, YOU COWARD????