Royal Wedding (The Princess Diaries 11)

Of course Brian had to be a joy-killer and ask, “But if everyone follows your example, Princess, and buys lab-grown diamonds, how will the poor diamond miners be able to support their families?”

“Well, hopefully governments that earn revenues from the diamond-mining industry will get the message that consumers want diamonds that have been mined in accordance with fair-trade principles and human-rights conditions, and those governments will work to invest productively in their natural resources.”

• Note to self: Bazinga!

Brian looked impressed as he checked to make sure his handheld device had recorded this, then asked if he could get a selfie with me for the site. I guess Pip

pa gave him one last time she was in town.

I know Lazarres-Reynolds would have wanted me to, since we’re in “crisis management” mode and sucking up to the media is an important part of that, but I just couldn’t bring myself to move my head close enough to Brian’s to pose for a selfie.

I said, “Oh, sorry, Brian, I haven’t got time, I must get into work, I’m running late. Maybe next time, bye-yeee!”

Then I left him standing on the curb.

I don’t even feel bad about it. Maybe this will teach him not to rate people (even royal people) like they’re appliances on a home-improvement retail website.

Three things I’m grateful for:

1. The aviator sunglasses Tina and I bought so we could look just like Connie Britton, aka Coach Taylor’s wife on Friday Night Lights, and which also hide my twitch.

2. Press-on nails, so Brian Fitzpatrick couldn’t see how badly I’ve bitten at my real nails.

3. Platform wedges, which caused me to tower over him.

CHAPTER 32

12:35 p.m., Tuesday, May 5

Frank Gianini Community Center

Rate the Royals Rating: 1

Am attempting to rocket through all my work here (not that I dislike my job, molding young minds and setting them on a path toward success is enormously satisfying, and also important) so I can get busy on my plan for Olivia, but I’m being hampered at every turn by this wedding business (which, of course, is also very important, but not as important as molding young minds or what I’m going to do about my newfound sister).

The kids are so sweet, though! They made me an enormous birthday card and signed their names to it and Ling Su hung it in my office. It takes up most of one wall.

Then yesterday, when they found out about the engagement, they made another card, and hung it on my other wall. Some of the kids seem to have seen the report on Inside Edition and have wished me luck “with the babies.” A few of the girls have drawn startlingly tender portraits of “the babies.” I am somewhat disturbed by this.

• Note to self: Must make sure we make screenings of 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom a regular part of our programming because I understand these shows have helped to lower teen birth rates by depicting how difficult it is to raise a child when you are not yet emotionally or financially ready.

Michael texted that the doctors to whom he was supposed to give his speech last night are willing to let him reschedule it for tonight and would I mind if he’s “home” late.

So sweet of him to ask! And almost like being married already. I texted back no, that I wouldn’t mind, but that I’d miss him, and included an emoji of a pair of kissing lips.

In return he sent a picture of an exploding volcano and said that’s what I should expect when he got home.

• Note to self: Make sure security-system glitch has been repaired. Forgot . . . I don’t have to! We’re engaged! No more sneaking around necessary.

CHAPTER 33

12:55 p.m., Tuesday, May 5

Frank Gianini Community Center

Rate the Royals Rating: 1

E-mail from Grandmère and her assistant, Rolanda, saying they want to put together an itinerary for me for my week and also begin the wedding planning and so need some input. It appears I’m to have some say in my wedding after all! They asked me to fill out and return the following: