Royal Wedding (The Princess Diaries 11)

Lilly looked a little ashamed of herself . . . ?at least until Tina went on to add, “Besides, you know I look terrible in green. That cream color that Sebastiano picked out for us this morning is going to be really flattering on all of our skin tones, even if it’s derivative of what Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, chose for the bridesmaids in her wedding to Prince William, and I think we need to stick to it. Even Trisha liked it, and you know she hates everything that isn’t made out of black lace stretch lycra—”

I’m seriously going to check myself into a rehab center for stress and anxiety after this, I swear to God.

“Can we please stick to the subject?” I demanded. “Once we get to Cranbrook, here’s what I’d like to do: go to Olivia’s uncle’s business to talk to him—and the aunt—like normal, rational adults about my meeting my sister. Nothing accusatory, nothing confrontational. Just ‘Hi, hello, I’m Mia Thermopolis. Would it be okay with you if I meet your niece?’ Then we can go from there.”

“Oh,” Lilly said. “Okay. That seems like a great idea, especially without any sort of advanced planning or consulting your lawyers or your dad or anything first.”

“It will be fine,” I assured her. “It’s not like I haven’t been trained in the art of diplomacy.”

“Right!” Lilly laughed over her whiskey sour. “By your grandmother, the queen of tact!”

“We’re two separate generations,” I said. “We might do things differently, but we still get things done.”

“And the aunt might not even be aware her husband is using her niece’s money to buy bulldozers to send to Qalif,” Tina pointed out. “She could be perfectly innocent in the whole thing.”

“Exactly, Tina.”

Lilly laughed some more. “Oh, my God. You two are so naïve. It’s like watching Bambi and Thumper go after Tony Soprano.”

Lilly is such a pessimist.

Oh, great, the car is finally moving.

CHAPTER 48

12:37 p.m., Wednesday, May 6

Somewhere on Interstate 295

Rate the Royals Rating: 7

Tina is reading aloud from J.P.’s dystopian YA novel, Love in the Time of Shadows, which she downloaded to her phone.

Lilly is laughing so hard she says she’s going to wet her pants.

I’m not finding it very amusing, particularly as the heroine, “Amalia,” has light gray eyes and long sandy blond hair, which gets whipped around a lot in the unforgiving desert wind.

But I suppose hearing J.P.’s book read aloud is better than the alternative, which was listening to Tina play all of the voice mails Boris has left her recently, swearing that he was never unfaithful, and begging her to take him back. Some of them were accompanied by long violin solos.

Lilly said if she had to hear one more, she was going to fling herself from the limo and into oncoming traffic.

I’m starting to think Tina should take Boris back just so we don’t have to hear about him anymore.

I’ve left four messages for my dad, including two on his private cell, but he has not returned them. His assistant Marielle says she has no idea where he is, but as soon as she hears from him, she’ll let him know I’ve called.

Except that wherever he’s gone, he has to have taken his bodyguards. So the RGG knows where he is.

But they aren’t talking, either.

This is not a good sign.

No one told me it takes an hour and a half to get to Cranbrook, New Jersey, during periods of high traffic. This could be a very long trip.

But my resolve is not flagging.

CHAPTER 49

1:05 p.m., Wednesday, May 6