The door burst open, and both of them turned to see Mr. Russell stride into the room.
“What is the meaning of this? Greymont? What are you about young man—dallying with my daughter in the dark of night? It is bold of you!” Mr. Russell glared at Jeremy, but Georgina could detect the triumph in her father’s stare.
Jeremy jumped to his feet, bowing his head in deference to the older man. “Apologies, sir. Mr. Russell, I can assure you I have only the most honorable intentions toward Miss Russell.”
“It’s a good thing, Greymont, for you have compromised her and I’ll accept nothing less than an offer.”
“Of which I am fully prepared to put forward. I called Miss Russell here tonight to ask her the question directly. I would have gone to you next, sir.” Jeremy turned smiling eyes on her and held out his hand.
She felt tears well up, making her vision swim, shook her head, and devastated the man she wanted but could never have. It wasn’t in Georgina’s destiny to have him. Fate had stepped in and demanded payment.
“I cannot marry you, Mr. Greymont. It is impossible.”
“Why can’t you?” Jeremy asked, puzzled by her refusal, a frown slashing his brows.
God, her heart hurt. This must be the pain of it breaking. “I told you before, I am not fit—”
“Georgina! Hold your tongue, girl!” Mr. Russell shouted threateningly from the doorway.
“Papa! I won’t mislead him. I will not do it. Not to him.” She felt such anguish in this moment. It felt like she had left her body and looked down on herself as she spoke the horrible words that would kill her chance for a happy life.
“What is it? Why do you refuse me? Georgina?” Jeremy sounded different now. Doubt had crept in.
“I—I am not—”
“Goddamnit, girl, silence yourself!” Mr. Russell exploded, red-faced and shaking.
“No, Papa! I cannot. He deserves to know what he would be getting in a marriage with me!” She faced her father bravely, knowing she would pay later for this defiance.
Jeremy sounded truly worried now. “What would I be getting, Georgina?” He swallowed hard, his throat flexing.
She turned to him and took a deep breath. “I can barely look at you and say the words, so great is my shame. But you deserve better than me. Much better.”
“What would I be getting, Georgina?” He repeated the question, this time with the sharpness of daggers flying across the room.
She gulped a deep breath and said it quickly, before she lost her nerve. “You would be getting a ruined bride—who’s no longer chaste—and unable to—unable to bear the touch—to do her duty in marriage. I cannot do it. I am as I said before, not fit for you. I am ruined.”
She saw the sting flash in his eyes and a flinch as he comprehended her ghastly confession, and she had to cover her mouth. Georgina’s pain was naught compared to the ache of hurting him, but she could do nothing else. Her heart squeezed up tight, closing itself off.
The hysterical idea of flinging herself down to the floor and begging him to marry her anyway, despite her disclosure, flashed as a possibility. But that was simply a panic reaction. She could never do such a thing to Jeremy. He deserved someone who could be a true wife to him and give him the heirs he needed.
This hurt. So badly. The anguish terrified her in its intensity, but that must mean it was a worthy sacrifice—she was doing the correct thing. Yes. This was how it must be. Georgina would sacrifice her happiness to ensure his. Knowing the loss of Jeremy Greymont would be always be felt with great regret, but also knowing in her heart, that this night, she had done the right thing in letting him go.
Chapter Nine
When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years…
—Lord Byron, “When We Two Parted” (1816)
Jeremy felt the breath leave his body. It eked out of him slowly, letting him feel the loss at its most painful depths.
Georgina’s sorrow-filled eyes had glowed at him in the dim of the room, and he’d never forget how she’d looked. Like a princess. So soft and alluring in her nightclothes with her hair spilling down over one shoulder. A tragic, but exquisite princess in his eyes.