Her eyes fluttered open, flaring wide as she became aware of me.
“Shit! I’m sorry I—I fell asleep?” She grappled with the door latch frantically, the sound of panic in her voice.
I covered her hand with mine and stilled her. “Easy. You’re safe, everything’s fine. You just drifted off is all.”
“Okay…sorry.” She panted deeply, looked out the window, and then back to me warily.
“Why do you keep apologizing?” She seemed very rattled, and I wanted nothing more than to soothe her fears, but at the same time—I was annoyed with the strange sensation of which I had absolutely no purposeful reason to be feeling.
“I don’t know,” she whispered at me.
“Are you okay?” I smiled, hoping I wasn’t freaking her out. I didn’t like the idea of her being afraid of me, but I did want her to remember me after tonight. I wanted her to trust me, too.
“Thank you for the ride. And the water. And the other stu—”
I interrupted her, knowing I had to take charge so there would be another opportunity for me to meet her again. “You take care of yourself, Brynne Bennett.” I unlocked the door. “You have your key ready? I’ll wait until you’re inside. What floor is it?”
She retrieved her key from her bag and put her mobile into it. “I live in the top studio loft, fifth floor.”
“Roommate?”
“Well, yes, but she’s probably not in.”
What was she thinking? I so wanted to know what she thought of me, if she was interested in finding out anything more about me. “I’ll look for the light to come on then,” I said.
She opened her door and stepped out. “Goodnight, Ethan Blackstone,” she said to me before she shut the door.
I followed her with my eyes as she made her way to her door, used her key and went inside. I waited until I saw the light come on in her fifth-floor loft before I pulled out.
I didn’t know exactly what I felt, or what might happen when I drove away from her place. But I did know this: I would be seeing Brynne Bennett again. Most definitely. There was no other option I would accept on the matter?
??
I smiled to myself because I didn’t feel the cold anymore. My leg hurt, but I knew it really didn’t matter now. I felt warm, and I was in my safe place with my memories of Brynne, where everything was good and right. She was my light and had been from the first moment I looked upon her beauty. She’d loved me, and held me together, when I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to work that miracle. We were going to have a baby soon. Thinking of our baby made me happy, but very sad at the same time. I couldn’t see my child in the place where I was going. He or she wouldn’t ever know me. But Brynne would tell our son or daughter about me. She would be such a wonderful mother. She already was. Brynne was good at everything she did and motherhood was no different. I knew there wasn’t much time left for me. I couldn’t keep my promise to her. That ripped into my heart worse than anything could. I’d promised I would come back to her. I’d said that nothing could ever keep me from coming back to her.
I desperately wanted to tell her how much I loved her, and how happy she’d made me in our time together. How I could go away, knowing I’d been loved by the most perfect woman in the world? That she was the only person to ever really see inside my dark soul to find me—and still made me feel like I’d won the fucking national lottery of life. It didn’t hurt me so much knowing my life would be cut short. The joyfulness was in knowing she’d been a part of it.
Brynne was my life. The last piece of my puzzle that had finally completed me.
I just needed a way to tell her somehow, so she wouldn’t worry about me. I wanted her to know how happy I was at the end of my life…because I’d been blessed with the rare and precious gift…of loving her.
CHAPTER 17
10th January
London
NEIL and Elaina wouldn’t take no for an answer. They had me over to their place for dinner, or came to our place every night since Ethan was away. I knew he’d arranged for them to babysit me, and I guess it made sense since they were just across the hall. Good thing I loved them both so much.
But they were newlyweds, and needed their private time together, I argued. Neil and Elaina were trying to make a baby of their own, and hanging out with me wasn’t doing them much good in that department. When I said so, they both laughed at me and made cryptic comments that had me wondering if they’d already managed it and just weren’t announcing the news yet. I hoped so. The two of them were so perfect together, and in getting to know them both so well, I’d learned how they’d been a part of each other’s lives since they were kids. The two of them were fated to be together from the very beginning. It made me so happy knowing true love had won out for them.
Ethan’s directive annoyed me, but at the same time, was so very typical of him. So protective, and caring…and cautious. I wondered how he was doing on the job with Prince Christian in the Swiss Alps. He’d dreaded to go as much as I hated him leaving. We hadn’t had time to work through our hiccup, and it was the worst feeling for me.
I missed my man dreadfully, and needed him back home. I wanted to unburden everything to him about what Lance had told me. And I hoped to hear whatever Ethan was willing to share with me, to get us back to where we’d been before that hideous night we fought over things that just weren’t worth hurting the one you love. Not to me. And, I know, not to him, either.
CHICKEN tacos with avocado and corn salsa, was my new pregnant comfort food. I tried to get Neil and Elaina to abandon their dinner plans with me by having it twice in one week, but they weren’t buying it, saying they loved my version of Mexican food. Bless their sweet Brit hearts. Because the British rendition of Mexican sucked, in my opinion. Maybe if my career in art conservation failed, I could do street-tacos and make a killing. I laughed inwardly at the idea of Ethan ever allowing me to entertain such a thing. I could set up next to Muriel’s newsstand on the street by Blackstone Security, and he could come down and have his lunch.
Neil loved cooking, so he was the one helping me in the kitchen. Elaina was off in the nursery working on the mural I’d planned out with her help. It was just a tree with birds and butterflies right now. Color and theme still to be determined, once we knew boy or girl…Thomas or Laurel.