He’d sent me a selfie. He was lying on his sofa, with Scout tucked under his arm. He was shirtless, holding the phone’s camera above him, looking up into the lens. I’d seen that amazing chest and stomach a few hours ago, and I stared now, just as stupefied as I’d been then. The look in his eyes was mischievous and filthy. His free hand was hooked into the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging it down. Just a little. Just… a… little…
Last night was fucking awesome, he’d written. Thinking of you, babe.
I stared at that photo, my nipples hard under the jacket again. And there was a minute, a long aching minute, when I wished all of it was real.
That I’d gone out with Nick last night and we’d had fun, and then wild, dirty sex.
That I was wearing this walk of shame outfit because I’d spent the night having orgasm after filthy orgasm.
That he was texting me now because he was thinking of me, and not because he was faking. And when I finished work, I’d go back to his place yet again, and pull off my shirt, and pull down his sweatpants like he was doing now, and then we’d—
“Jesus, Evie, for fuck’s sake.”
I jumped and slammed the phone down onto my thigh. “What?”
Josh was standing next to my cubicle, looking over my shoulder. He was wearing Dockers and a navy blue flannel shirt for Casual Friday. He had bruises under his eyes, like a raccoon, from where Nick had punched him. His eyebrows were lowered, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at me, livid. “Dirty texts at work?” he said. “From him?”
That made me scowl, even though the dirty text was supposed to be for his benefit. “You didn’t have to look over my shoulder, you know. Which makes it none of your business.”
He didn’t budge. “We need to talk. In private.”
Reluctantly, I stood and walked with my cheating ex-boyfriend down the hallway to the lunch room. I’d always thought Josh was good-looking, and except for the bruises, he was as good-looking as ever. But now
I could barely look at him. I kept a good eight inches away from him, out of the zone of any possible touching, as if we were two magnets pointed the wrong way. People stared at us as we walked down the hall, and I felt my stomach churn.
There was no one in the lunch room, thank God. Once we were through the door, I broke away from him, putting space between us as I opened one of the cupboards and took out a tea bag from my work stash. “So?” I said, trying not to let my voice shake. “What do you want?”
“Last night,” Josh said, his voice accusing. “What the hell were you doing?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, putting water in my mug.
“Toilet papering my place? Calling me to make disgusting noises?” He sounded angry, but I kept my back turned so I wouldn’t have to look at him. Still, he railed on. “I was late for work because of those stupid tires. You went to some party with Nick Mason, and now he’s naked on your phone. Evie, I warned you about him.”
It had worked then, our little jealousy scheme. “Yeah, you did warn me,” I said to Josh, shoving my mug in the microwave so hard the water sloshed. “I heard you.”
“I mean, what is going on?” he said, still behind me because I wouldn’t look at him. This lovely, uptight rant was making my hangover headache pound in my temples. “This isn’t you. Gina thinks you’re doing this just to get back at me, and I think she’s right.”
That made me turn around. “I do not,” I said, my voice low and more dangerous than I’d ever heard it, “give a shit what Gina thinks. Is that clear?”
Josh looked startled, but he shook his head. “I’m sorry about what happened,” he said. “I already said that. But Evie, there’s no reason to go around putting on an act—”
“Maybe it isn’t an act.” The microwave beeped, and I turned around and yanked my mug from it, throwing my tea bag into the hot water. I had no lunch with me, so this would basically be my sustenance for the day, as gross as it was. “Maybe this is the way I am. You just never saw it.”
“Evie, come on. We dated for four months. I know you pretty well.”
I thought about the girl who’d been so eager to go out with him, so happy she’d been picked. It had been a sign, I was sure, that I was putting my past behind me. That I was finally worth something. I thought about that now—only four months ago—and it made me feel faintly sick. Why had I thought that? That a clean-cut guy, a nice boyfriend, would change who I was for the better? How completely deluded had I been?
“No,” I said to Josh. “I don’t think you know me at all.”
He was watching me, his expression hard to read past the bruises on his face. But it looked a little like disdain. And I wanted to use my newfound fighting skills and punch that expression right off him.
“Evie, come on,” he said. “Get real.” Like he knew everything. Every fucking thing.
“This is real,” I said. “You saw that text. I am…” I forced the words out. “I am sleeping with Nick Mason. What do you think of that?”
Technically, it was true. We’d slept. Quite comfortably. Me, and Nick, and Nick’s gorgeous butt in his boxer briefs. And the other parts I’d felt when I’d jumped on him this morning. Because when I was in bed with a hot bad boy, that’s what I did. I slept, because I was too chicken to do what I wanted.
“Since when?” Josh snapped, his cheekbones going red with anger.