Total was lying on the floor—since Akila died, he’d been uncharacteristically quiet, spending time on his own, lying around a lot. I knew he was grieving, and I wished I could do more for him.
Looking at the empty beds, I could still feel some lingering sense of the kids who should’ve been here, the mutants and humans who had believed they were safe. I wondered if Ella had slept in any of these bunks.
“Come on, Nudgelet, let’s go,” I said more loudly, and shook her shoulder.
“Go?” Nudge mumbled, sinking deeper into the sponge mattress.
“Yeah,” I said. “We should be gone before the Fish Sticks return from the morning hunt.”
Nudge propped herself up on her elbows, alert now. “You wanna leave? Why?”
“Uh… because we’re in mutant-eating-lamprey-infested waters? Did you see how everyone shrugged off Jonny’s death yesterday? Rizal is just another crazy leader in a long, long line of crazy leaders we’ve dealt with. Do you really need another reason? We can’t stay here.”
Nudge blinked at me, her eyes round with alarm and already brimming. “What do you mean we can’t stay?”
From the ground near the door, Total raised his furry eyebrows at me, but he didn’t say anything.
Nudge, on the other hand, was incredulous. “You wanted this! The flock split up, everyone left us because you wanted to come back to this island!”
“I know. But that was before…”
Before I knew my family was really dead.
Before I heard Jonny’s theories.
Before it seemed like someone could be held accountable.
“That was before we knew the vaccine was wiped out in the tsunami,” I said. “Now there’s no reason for us to stay. I mean, don’t you want to know what happened? Don’t you want some answers?”
“No!” Nudge shook her head emphatically. “That’s why I didn’t leave with Angel. I know more than I ever wanted to know already, and most of it’s terrible. I’m tired, Max. Tired of flying around hoping for something better. The Aquatics have a good thing going here—rarities like, you know, food and actual beds.” She waved her pillow. “These kids are survivors, just like us, and we’re lucky they made us welcome.”
“These kids are not like us. These kids are sociopaths.”
Nudge shrugged. “Maybe their culture is just uncomplicated.”
“Staying here won’t help you forget about the past,” I said gently.
“And leaving won’t help you change it,” she bit back. “The world ended, Max, and I promise, nobody blames you for not being able to save it. You don’t have to go.”
I held Nudge’s gaze for a long time, weighing her words. “I need to know the truth,” I said quietly. “I didn’t before. But now I think… I think truth is better than relative safety.”
Nudge nodded and hugged her pillow close, and I knew she wouldn’t change her mind.
“So—you’re going to stay here,” I said, just to make sure.
Nudge nodded again.
I looked at Total. The Scottie dog stood up, puffed out his wiry chest, and seemed to grow a little taller. “I will miss you, of course, Max. But I will stay here with Nudge. I need… time to heal. Time to reflect.”
“Of course you do,” I said, picking him up. He snuggled his head into my shoulder, and I tried not to cry. Nothing about my life made sense—I was going on pure instinct, and it was like walking on a tightrope, with the safety net of my flock gone.
When Total looked up, his chocolate eyes were glistening.
“Here,” Nudge said, taking an oversized sweatshirt from her bedding. “Rizal said temperatures are dropping—they can sense the extra oxygen in the water.”
“It’s okay. I don’t need—”
Nudge rolled her eyes. “I know. You don’t need any help from anyone. I’m trying to give you a farewell gift. Just take it, okay?”