They lay in bed later, her head cradled on his chest, his arm wrapped around her.
“Why did you get into BDSM?” she asked, wanting to know more about him.
He stiffened beneath her then let out a sigh. She leaned up, placing her arm on his chest so she could look down at him. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, it’s all right. There was a woman.”
“Ah.” Maybe she didn’t want to hear this.
“Greta, she was, well, she pretended to be someone she wasn’t. She told me she loved me. I believed her. But it turned out she was using me.”
“I’m so sorry, I know how that feels. My old Dom used me.”
He ran his hand up and down her arm soothingly.
“At least it wasn’t all bad for me. She changed the course of my life. For the better. I was a bit of a nerd. Spent all my time behind my computer. She brought me out into the land of the living. She introduced me to BDSM, and it was like I’d found my place. You know?”
“Yeah, I do.” Except Martin didn’t change the course of her life for the better. Oh, no, he’d changed it for the worse. She wished she could open up completely with Connor. Tell him everything.
But she couldn’t. She guessed it was a good thing this relationship was only for a short time, since she was living a lie, pretending to be someone she wasn’t.
Something she was sure he’d never forgive if he ever found out.
12
“I can’t believe you made me wear a butt plug for this meeting.” She scowled at Connor.
He grinned as he helped her out of the car. Carefully. Because he also hadn’t let her wear any panties. What if the damn thing slipped out?
God. She could feel her cheeks growing hot.
“You’re the only one who’ll be embarrassed by that in there.” He waved towards Ajax’s house, where they were meeting Roarke and Hunter Black, Connor’s boss. “Well, except for maybe Sophie. But if Ajax is smart he’s got one stuck up her ass as well.”
She froze at the thought. “What? You think Ajax will plug her?”
He shrugged. “It’s what I would do. But Ajax isn’t me.”
No, he wasn’t.
“He’s likely taking things slowly because of her background. It will take him a while to build trust between them. So maybe you will be the only one with a bit of rubber in your bottom. But I promise, no one here will be the least bit shocked.”
“You’re not going to tell them?” She looked at him in horror.
“Baby, I won’t have to, you’re waddling like a du
ck. They’re going to know as soon as they see you.”
“I’m leaving.” She turned away and headed back to the car.
“Of course. I’ll drive you to the hotel then come back.”
It was hard to believe that they’d been together such a short time. It felt so right being around him. She felt so safe.
But not safe enough to let him in completely?
No. Not yet. She took her hearing aid out at night, in the dark, but that was as far as she could take it. She just wasn’t ready for anything more. It was silly and deep down she knew he wouldn’t reject her.
But old fears died hard.