Sir's Redemption (Doms of Decadence 8)
Page 70
“No, but you loved him nonetheless, you said it yourself. You followed him, lived with him, and shared Sarah with him.”
“I should have left with her before he destroyed her.”
“So why didn’t you?” She tried to ask the question gently, but he still flinched.
“Guess I was just an idiot.”
“Or was it that you didn’t want just Sarah? You wanted the three of you to be a family. Maybe it wasn’t just you following James. Maybe he followed you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Whose idea was it that she move in with the two of you?”
He went very still, but she could tell he was thinking. “Mine.”
“And it was your idea to marry her, right?”
“Yes, but James didn’t just go along with it because I wanted her. He dominated her, slept with her.”
“But did he love her the way you did?” It hurt to say those words. “Did he feel like he was a proper part of your relationship?”
“I thought he did.” He looked unsure. “He left so much to me. He never came to our anniversary dinners or made an effort to be there for her birthday. He never took care of her when she was ill or sad. I always thought he was too selfish to care for someone else like that.”
“Or did he just feel like he didn’t belong? Like he wasn’t quite a part of your relationship?”
“Fuck.” He sat heavily. Then he ran his hand over his face. “Doesn’t excuse him running her off.”
“Maybe not. But then you don’t know the full truth, do you?”
“James’s truth.”
“All right, James’s truth. He struck me as pretty honest.”
“Appearances can be deceptive.”
All right, she figured they’d talked enough about James and Sarah. “Why did you come here today, Sloan?”
He looked at her in surprise for a moment. Then he glanced down at his hands. She waited patiently for him to speak. When he raised his face, she was shocked to see how upset he appeared. There was pain in his eyes. His forehead was puckered into a worried frown.
“I’m here because I fucked up.”
“Y-you did?”
“Yes.” The word was more of a growl.
“I thought I was the one who messed up.”
“You did. But I’m just as culpable for this distance between us.” He let out a deep breath. “Like I said, I haven’t wanted anyone properly since Sarah. Not an actual relationship. I thought it was better that there was some distance between us. I guess I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt again.”
“I get that.”
He stared over at her. “But it wasn’t fair to you. Fuck, I hate talking about this shit.”
“You’re doing a good job.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Am I? If I was any good at emotional crap we wouldn’t be in this mess, would we?”
“Is it a mess, or just a dip in the road?” She held her breath, hope blooming inside her.