Cole's Mistake (Haven, Texas 8)

“Been checking up on me, brother?” Joel drawled.

“I might have had an investigation firm do an online search on you. Don’t worry, there’s not much to find. And it was made easier because I had your social security number.”

“You know, there’s this thing called a phone. And what you do is, you pick it up and you call someone and ask them how they’re doing. That’s what normal people do.”

“Well, we’re not exactly normal, are we?”

“No, you’ve made that clear,” Joel said dryly, watching him. “What were the words you used? Oh, yes, depraved and unnatural.”

Cole winced. “I was wrong.”

Joel leaned forward. “That so? Do tell.”

This was no less than he deserved, but fuck it was still so hard. “I said those things because I was fucking angry. I was always so fucking angry. Thing was, it was never really at you. You were just a convenient target since he wasn’t around.”

Joel didn’t ask who he was. “Dear old dad, still fucking up our lives from the grave.”

“Yeah.” Cole scrubbed his hand over his face. “I was so concerned about living up to his expectations that even once he was gone, I couldn’t stop trying. I was fucking jealous of you—”

“Of me?” Joel gave him a shocked look.

Fuck. He hadn’t actually meant to divulge that.

Definitely need to ease up on the bourbon.

“Of course. You just went out and lived your life and didn’t give a fuck what anyone else thought. You were happy, and I was fucking miserable, living my life for the old man, putting up with the board’s bullshit, and I said shit you didn’t deserve. That I didn’t even mean.”

“You seemed to mean it.”

“Yeah, maybe I kind of did. I didn’t really understand the lifestyle and, to be honest, later, I realized that part of the reason I hated it was because I felt a pull towards it. That’s why, six months ago, I started going to training sessions at a BDSM club.”

“You . . . you’ve been to training sessions?” Joel gaped at him.

“Yeah.”

“And you came here now to tell me all this?”

“I came here because I was a complete ass and it caused me to lose the only family I have left, and I wanted to see if it wasn’t too late to repair things between us.”

“Fuck, Cole. You don’t do things by half-measures.”

He was all too aware that Joel hadn’t said it wasn’t too late. But then, he hadn’t expected it to be easy.

“Did you think to call before just turning up out of the blue?”

“If I called, you might have told me not to come.”

“Yeah, but I’d also have avoided a scene like just happened.” Joel stared at his bruised eye. “You need another bag of peas?”

“Nah, this one is fine. Don’t want to ruin all of your frozen veggies.”

“I’m surprised Renard had these in the freezer. He thinks frozen vegetables are the devils work.”

Cole guessed he was trying to make a joke to lighten the mood.

“Did you know they were here?” Joel asked.

“No. I had no idea where they were. I’ve been searching for them for months. You didn’t think to tell me they were here?”