Her airways grew tight, it became hard to fill her lungs. Black dots danced across her vision. Nausea bubbled. She was going to be sick.
“Keira! Kitten! Listen to me, kitten. Open your eyes and look at me. Right. Now.”
That firm tone of voice snapped her eyes open. She stared at Julian blurrily. “You’re having a panic attack, kitten. Take a deep, slow breath. It’s all right. I’m here. I’m going to keep you safe. Nice, deep breaths. You’re all right. You’re safe. I’m going to keep you safe.”
Gradually, his words penetrated, and she managed to take some deeper breaths. She discovered they were sitting on the floor of the kitchen, she was curled up in his lap, and he was leaning back against the cupboards.
She leaned into him with a sob. “S-sorry. S-sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry, baby girl.” He kissed the top of her head. Then he rocked her back and forth. “My sweet little kitten. It’s all right. I’m going to keep you safe.”
“I-I’m not r-ready to leave here.”
“Then we won’t. I was wrong to say that. I was being selfish.”
“W-what do you mean?”
He sighed. “If we stay here, there’s more chances we’ll run into Cole. And every time I see him it becomes harder to keep him at arm’s length. To hold onto all that anger and hate.”
“You w-want to h-hold onto it?”
“I don’t want to let him close. I don’t want him to hurt us again. I want to keep you safe.”
“He won’t h-hurt us physically. He’s n-not like V-vincento.”
“Physically, no.”
But emotionally, he could tear them apart all over again.
“You’re r-right,” she said. “We need to s-stay away from him.” It hurt her to say the words. Cole pulled at her. Even after all this time apart. But she had to be smart about this. She’d wanted him once before and it had ended in disaster. She’d been attracted to Vincento and look how that ended. They’d barely survived.
“I just want to keep you safe, kitten. I know I haven’t done a very good job up until now—”
She reached up and placed her hand over his mouth. She knew he was no longer talking about Cole. “None of that was your fault. None of it.”
“I should have done better. Vincento hurt you and I couldn’t do a thing.” A tear dripped down his face and she hugged him tightly. He buried his face in her shoulder.
“Sh. He hurt you as well. You protected me as much as you could. You always protect me.”
It was her fault they’d gone with Vincento in the first place. She hated that he felt that way. She knew he hated feeling helpless and that’s what Vincento had done. Broken them both down until they were shells of themselves.
“I love you, Julian,” she whispered to him.
“I love you too, Keira. Now and always.”
They’d get through this, like they did everything else. The two of them. They didn’t need anyone else. And if they needed to move out of the guest house, then that’s what they’d do. She’d do anything to take care of Julian. Even if that meant never seeing Cole Saxon again.
Anyway, it wasn’t like he was going to stick around. Soon, he’d be back at work. She was surprised he’d still been in town this last week. No, he’d go, and they could get back on with their lives.
Such as they were.
16
He sat in the restaurant and watched them.
Two weeks he’d been in Haven. Two weeks and other than that time at the pool, he hadn’t been able to get the two of them alone. Joel had said it would take a lot to get them to open up and listen to him. He hadn’t been joking. But how could he even try if he couldn’t even get them in the same room with him?
Keira was working tonight, though, and he was determined to at least talk to her. Julian sat across the room in a corner. Cole’s gaze rested on him briefly. For a moment the other night at the pool, he thought he was going to break through the barrier the other man had erected around himself, but if anything, he’d shored them up tighter.