“First of all, I want you to know that I am not angry with you that you’re sleeping in a closet, I’m angry at me for not knowing about it. How often, Mia?”
She licked her lips. “Most nights. I feel safer in the small space. I know that’s silly—”
He placed a finger on her lips. “That’s not silly, baby. Not at all. I wish you’d told me, though. I could have helped you.”
“I didn’t want to talk to Molly.”
“What?”
“When you found out that I have panic attacks you made me see Molly. I like Molly. But I didn’t want to talk to her again. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about what happened. I just wanted to forget. But I can’t. I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s never going to go away. I tried to bury it, but it keeps resurfacing in my nightmares. The only time I ever feel calm is when we’re in the office together. When you take charge. And tonight, I ruined that.”
“Listen to me. You did not ruin that.”
“I tried to push for more.”
“Which you had every right to do,” he said fiercely.
“No.” She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t fair of me. I know what this is between us—”
“Do you?” he questioned. “Because I only just figured it out.”
“What? What do you mean, you just figured what out?”
“I only just figured out that I love you.”
She was still. Then she stared up at him. “What?”
“I love you, Mia Alcott.”
“No, you don’t.”
He raised both eyebrows at her vehement tone of voice. “You want to run that by me again?”
/> She licked her dry lips. Okay, so, soft and warm Alec was gone, replaced by harder, sterner Sir. Her tummy bubbled with leftover fear and a good dose of nerves.
“I know I overstepped earlier,” she told him. “I went too far. It wasn’t my place—”
“Not your place?” he whispered.
“I’m not your girlfriend. Not your full-time sub. I’m just someone you’re training. We have our couple of hours a day and that’s all. We don’t sleep together. We don’t eat together. We don’t discuss our day. Well, you don’t discuss yours. I get that you ask me about mine because you feel obliged to help me. I’m messed up; you think you can fix me. That’s kind, but you can’t.” She waved her hand towards the closet. “As you can see, I’m more fucked up than you thought.”
He cupped her face between his hands. “Refer to yourself as fucked up one more time and I’m going to forget that I just found you sleeping in a fucking closet and I’m going to go get one of my paddles and beat your ass, understand?”
Her breath caught. He suddenly lay on his back with a groan, placing his arm over his eyes. “Fuck! Fuck!”
“What is it? Are you okay?” He sounded like he was in pain.
“No. No, I’m not okay. I just told the woman I love that I love her, and she doesn’t believe me. That was not how I was expecting this to go. I’ve never told anyone I loved them. Not even my brothers.”
Another clap of thunder, further away this time. The storm was moving away. The wind rattled at the windows. Thunderstorms had never been her favorite. When the power had gone out, she’d been terrified. And then he’d come. He’d come for her.
“I keep them at a distance,” he continued. “I keep this barrier between us. Do you know why?”
“No. Why?”
“Because I love them. Because I love them, I keep them away. Makes no sense, right?” He moved his arm away and rolled onto his side to look at her.
“Not really.” The knot in her stomach started to unravel slightly at his words.