“Christ, Eden. I’m so sorry. I should have thought about that being a trigger for you. But if it hasn’t happened to you before. . .maybe it was because you felt vulnerable. You had your shields down.”
She wasn’t protecting herself. She’d worked hard at keeping people away. For their sake more than hers. Lowering her shields had let the memories in.
“It’s my fault my parents died,” she whispered.
“What? No, it’s not. You were a child. They were hit by a drunk driver.”
“My fault. They wanted to leave earlier but I threw a tantrum because I wasn’t ready to leave the city. We were on a shopping trip and I wanted to find the perfect dress for Emily Matthews’ birthday party. If I’d just left when they wanted to then we never would have been hit. They wouldn’t have died.”
Her voice sounded odd. Strangled.
“Baby, baby, no.” He rocked her back and forth. “You were just a child. You didn’t know. No one knew.”
“I killed them. I ruined my brothers’ lives. And mine. I took away our parents. And then Clint was forced to come home to take care of me.”
“Baby, you can’t think he resents you because of that.”
“How can he not?” she wailed. “Who wants to be lumped with a crippled ten-year-old? It wasn’t fair.” She looked up at him. “What if I do that to us? What if I do something to ruin us? What if I make a decision that hurts you? You should stay away from me.”
“That’s not happening, baby girl.”
“You don’t understand. This can’t go on. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep up my shields around you, you’re sneaking through them. Soon I won’t be able to let go.”
“Good. That will put us on an even par. Because you’re part of me. And I’m not letting you go.”
“No. No. I’ll ruin you.”
“I’m fucking ruined without you. Don’t you get that? You are it for me. I warned you that because of my childhood that I hold onto what belongs to me. You are mine. Try to push me away all you want. I. Am. Going. Nowhere.”
“I don’t want to hurt you too.”
“Eden, you haven’t hurt anyone. It wasn’t your fault. And when things return to normal you can bet we’re sitting down with your brothers so they can tell you the same thing. And if you’re still not getting it, we’ll find someone professional for you to talk to. But through all of that, I’m going to be right by your side.”
She shook her head.
“I am not fucking joking around here, Eden,” he roared.
She blinked at him, shocked. “I’ve found the person who makes me whole, you think I’d fucking let her leave me?”
“You can’t just keep me,” she yelled back, starting to get mad at the obtuse idiot. Didn’t he know she was doing this for him? She was trying to protect him. And the ass wasn’t letting her. It was infuriating.
“I can.” He glared down at her.
“If I want to leave, I will.”
“That’s just it,” he whispered and somehow it was worse than his roar. “You don’t want to. Because I complete you too.”
“That’s just some bullshit from a Hallmark movie,” she told him. “People don’t complete each other.”
“They do when they’re both broken.”
She stared at him. Shook her head. “You’re not broken.”
He barked out a laugh. “Baby, do you think it’s normal behavior to be this damn possessive of someone? To know you absolutely will not let them go no matter what? What I feel for you is not normal. But screw normal. I am broken. I’ve been like that since Elise died.
“I know you have your demons, Eden. They tell you that you’re guilty of something you are not. They tell you that you’re not worthy of being loved. Of being happy. But those voices are liars.”
“Sometimes, it’s like I’m suffocating,” she whispered. “That’s when I have to leave the ranch, get away.”