“Are these like—edited—or maybe even, um, you know, Photoshopped, or something?” I asked, my voice going all high and screechy, in what my mom used to call my liar’s voice. The one I used when the last cookie was gone and I was under suspicion, or the house was a mess and I’d been the only one home. And don’t think the members of the Council didn’t notice.
I hung my head low and turned away from the screen, knowing there was nothing more to do. Nothing more to say. It was all over now, and all I could do was sit back and wait to learn just what would become of me.
8
It wasn’t over.
It seemed like it should’ve been.
I wanted it to be.
But noooo. Not even close.
Just as I was awaiting the verdict to come down, this scratchy, staticky kind of sound came at me from all four walls, and I couldn’t help it, no matter how much I didn’t want to see it, I looked. Peering over my shoulder, and seeing the way the images suddenly changed, going all hazy and misty as the light dimmed to a yellowy glow I immediately recognized. My insides curling in on itself like a fist, instinctively knowing that no matter how bad it had seemed just a few moments before, things had just taken a major turn for the worse.
They’d caught me in Summerland too.
That mystical dimension between the earth plane and this one where I lingered for—well, let’s just say I stayed there for much longer than I was supposed to.
And so I watched.
Watched what they watched.
Me, newly dead, but still up to my old tricks as though my early departure hadn’t made the slightest bit of difference. Hadn’t hampered me in any way.
Hadn’t changed a single thing.
If anything, being dead had just made me even worse. Granting me the kind of access I could’ve only dreamed of before.
It was like having a backstage pass to not only my sister’s life, but everyone else’s as well. Spying on old neighbors and friends, former classmates, favorite and not-so-favorite teachers, even a few well-known celebrities—just maximizing my invisibility for all it was worth. And just like before, back when I was alive, I’d spent the bulk of my time spying on my sister, completely unaware that I was being spied on as well.
My entire existence, my birth, my death, and beyond, had been documented and studied, and now I was expected to find a way to explain (if not justify), what clearly amounted to a heckuva lot of wasted time.
But the truth is, I had no idea what to say for myself.
I was the most surprised person in that whole entire room.
And, when we got to the part where I sneaked into the Viewing Room on my way to school—well, I just sank right down there onto the cold, hard stage, not even bothering to manifest a comfortable chair for myself first. Anxiously waiting for this horrible show to finally end, so that they could determine my place.
The whole room went silent as the screen went blank, and I knew it was up to me to make the first move.
“Well, I think the footage speaks for itself, no?” I tried to smile, but it felt all sloppy and wrong. So then I tried to give them my big-eyed, sad look, the one that always worked on my dad—but still, nothing. They just sat there, so silent and still it was clear I’d have to do much better than that.
I wouldn’t be let off so easily.
So I cleared my throat and focused hard on my shoes, saying, “Okay, so maybe I was a bit of a brat.” I shrugged, trying to keep it casual and relaxed. “But the thing is, last time I checked that wasn’t exactly listed as one of the sins, right?” I looked up, desperate for a little confirmation, understanding, something, and I found it in Aurora—the one person I could count on, the one I chose to focus on. “I mean, maybe if you guys had allowed me just a few more years, I could’ve turned it around. Maybe I would’ve even done something great, something truly tremendous and world changing, you know? But now—well, now, we’ll never know just what I was capable of, since, you know, you called me out so early in the game.” I sighed, partly for dramatic effect, and partly because, well, the whole thing was a little exhausting. And when that was also met with more stares and silence I said, “Okay, fine. You want to know the truth? Well, here it is. I feel like I was robbed! Seriously. Dead at twelve? That is so not fair! And why am I the one who’s expected to explain my actions anyway? I was just a kid—I was supposed to be immature! But you guys—well, maybe one of you should explain a few things to me. Maybe I’m the one who deserves some answers Here? Huh? Did anyone ever stop and think of that?” I stopped, panting and agitated, and it’s not like I needed a mirror to know that my face was beet red.
I concentrated on my shoes again, shaking my
head as I pledged a strict vow of silence from that point on. Pledging that no matter what happened next, I wouldn’t say another word—wouldn’t try to defend a single thing that I’d done. My life as I knew it was over, and there was no taking it back. No do-overs allowed. Which meant there was really no point to any of this. It was tortuous, and mean, and completely unfair, and no way was I giving them any more ammo to use against me than they already had.
I continued to sit there, firmly committed to maintaining my silence and waiting it out for as long as it took, when Aurora finally looked at me and said, “I know you may not understand it just yet, but in time you will. It’ll all make perfect sense, I promise you that. But for now, just know that everything works out in the way it’s supposed to. There is no punishment, no harsh judgment, and no accidents of any kind. All is as it should be. We’re just trying to understand things from your point of view, to study your life with compassion, not discrimination. All of us realize just how hard it is to find one’s way in the earth plane—there are so many distractions, so many directions in which to turn. We don’t condemn a single one of your acts, Riley, so there’s no reason to be fearful or angry. We’re merely attempting to understand you better, that’s all.”
My gaze met hers, and yes she was kind, and nice, and oh so glowy and angelic, but I needed something more. I refused to be brushed off so easily.
“And so, it’s my destiny to be dead?” I said, immediately breaking my vow of silence and wondering if my tendency toward mouthiness, as my mom calls it, would get me in as much trouble Here as it did there.
But Aurora just smiled as the rest of the group took a moment to chuckle among themselves, which, truth be told, did not make me feel even the slightest bit better since it’s not like I was trying to be funny.