I nod again and this time I lift my shoulders too.
“Can I ask why?”
“Sure.” I smile. “But I probably won’t answer ’til we get there, so just trust me, okay? There’s something I need to see first.”
He looks at me, obviously reluctant to go through with it but even more reluctant to deny me, he quickly manifests a horse for us to ride as I close my eyes and urge him to take us to the darkest, dreariest part of this place.
And the next thing I know, we’re there. Our mount coming to a crashing halt as Damen and I fight to stay on his back. Rearing and bucking and pawing the e
arth, forcing Damen to coo softly into his ear, assuring him he need go no farther, and calming him down enough for us to slide off his back and have a good look around.
“So, just like we remembered it,” Damen says, eager to ditch this place for somewhere warmer, brighter, better.
“But is it?” I venture toward the spot where the mud begins, tapping my foot softly against it. Testing its softness, its deepness, trying to determine if it’s changed in some way.
“I don’t know what you’re getting at.” He peers at me. “But as far as I can see, it’s just as wet, barren, muddy, and depressing as the last time we were here.”
I nod. “That’s all true, but does it somehow seem…bigger to you? Like, I don’t know, like it’s…growing or expanding in some way?”
He squints, not quite following where I’m going with this, and knowing I’ll risk sounding crazy or, at the very worst, completely paranoid, I still choose to go ahead with it anyway, since I could really use a second opinion.
“I’ve got this theory—”
He looks at me.
“Well—” I take a deep breath and gaze all around. “I can’t help but think that I might somehow be the cause of all this.”
“You?” Damen squints, brows merged with concern.
But I look right past it and quickly continue. Desperate to finish, to get the words out before I have enough time to really stop and listen to myself, before I lose all my nerve. “Look,” I say, voice tense and hurried. “I mean, I know it sounds stupid, but please hear me out first.”
He nods and flashes his palms, showing he has no plans to stop me.
“I’m thinking that maybe…well, maybe this place started growing when all the bad things started happening.”
“Bad things?”
“Yeah, you know, like when I killed Drina.”
“Ever—” he starts, eager to dispel it, to erase all the blame.
But before he can finish, I’m talking again. “I mean, you’ve been coming here for a really long time now, right?”
“Since the sixties.” He shrugs.
“Okay, right, and so, I’m sure that during all this time you’ve looked around a good bit, did your fair share of exploring, especially back in the beginning.”
He nods.
“And during those times, you said you’d never seen anything like this, right?”
He nods and sighs, though he’s also quick to add, “But then again, Summerland is a very big place. It’s quite possibly infinite for all I know. It’s not like I’ve ever come across any kinds of walls or borders, so it’s quite possible it’s been here all along and I missed it.”
I look away, trying to act as though I’m more than willing to drop it if he is, but I’m not the least bit convinced.
I can’t help feeling there’s something here that’s either caused by me or that I’m meant to see, or both. I mean, that’s what got me here in the first place. I simply asked the Summerland what it wanted me to know about it and it landed me here. But what I don’t know is why.
Is it somehow connected to all of those souls that, because of me, have ended up in the Shadowland?