Lost in a Good Book (Thursday Next 2)

I started to walk away, but when God was handing out insistence Cordelia Flakk was at the head of the queue.

'Thursday, this hurts me really personally when you're like this. It attacks me right … right, er, here.'

She made a wild guess at where she thought her heart might be and looked at me with a pained expression that she probably learned off a springer spaniel.

'I've got him waiting right here, now, in the canteen. It won't take a moment, ten minutes tops Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. I've only asked two dozen journalists and news crews – the room will be practically empty.'

I looked at my watch.

'Ten minutes,1 then – who's that?'

'Who's what?'

'Someone calling my name. Didn't you hear it?'

'No,' replied Cordelia, looking at me oddly.

I tapped my ears. It had sounded so real it was disconcerting.2

'There it goes again!'

'There goes what again?'

'A man's voice!' I said somewhat idiotically. 'Speaking here inside my head!'

I pointed to my temple to demonstrate but Cordelia took a step backward, her look turning rapidly to one of consternation.

'Are you okay, Thursday? Can I call someone?'

'Oh. No, no, I'm fine I just realised I – ah – left a receiver in my ear. It must be my partner; there's a 12-14 or a 10-30 or … something numerological in progress. Tell your competition winners another time. Goodbye!'

I dashed off. There wasn't a receiver, of course, but I wasn't having Flakk tell the quacks I was hearing voices. I walked off briskly towards the LiteraTec office.3 I stopped and looked around The corridor was empty.

'I can hear you,' I said, 'but where are you?'4

'Her name's Flakk. Works over at SpecOps PR.'5

'What is this? SpecOps Blind Date? What's going on?'6

'Case? What case? I haven't done anything!'

My voice rose with injured pride. For someone who had spent their life enforcing law and order, it seemed a grave injustice that I should be accused of something – especially something I knew nothing about.7

'For God's sake, Snell, what is the charge?'

'Are you okay, Next?'

It was Braxton Hicks. He had just turned the corner and was staring at me very oddly.

'Fine, sir,' I said, thinking fast 'The SpecOps tensionologist said I should vocalise any stress regarding past experiences Listen: "GET AWAY FROM ME HADES, GO!" See? I feel better already.'

'Oh!' said Hicks doubtfully. 'Well, the quacks know best, I suppose. Did you sign that picture for my godson Max?'

'On your desk, sir.'

'Miss Flakk ran a competition or something. Would you liaise with her over it?'

'I'll make it my top priority, sir.'