Lost in a Good Book (Thursday Next 2)

'I can't!'

'You can, Thursday. I forgive you. It's been a good career. Did you know that out of the three hundred and twenty-nine SpecOps 17 operatives who have ever been, only two ever made it to retirement age?'

'Do they tell you that when you join?'

There was the sound of stone against stone as one of the headstones on the floor started to be pushed aside. The undead who was thumping on the door was joined by another – and then another. Outside we could hear the noises of the awakening. Despite the moonlit night, the Evil One was calling to his servants, and they were coming running – or shambling, at the very least.

'Do it!' said Spike in a more urgent manner. 'Do it now before it's too late!'

I raised my gun and pointed it at Spike.

'DO IT!'

I increased the pressure on the trigger as a shaky form stood up from the open grave behind him. I pointed the gun at the figure instead – the pathetic creature was so far dried out it could barely move, but it sensed our presence and teetered in our direction anyway.

'Don't shoot it, shoot me!' said Spike with some alarm in his voice. 'The job in hand, Thursday, please!'

I ignored him and pulled the trigger. The hammer fell harmlessly with a dull thock.

'Eh?' I said, chambering the next round. Spike was quicker than I and loosed off a shot that disintegrated the abomination's head. It collapsed in a heap of dried skin and powdery bone. The sound of scrabbling from the door increased.

'God damn and blast, Next, why couldn't you do as I told you?!'

'What?'

'I put that dud on the top of your clip, idiot!'

'Why?'

He tapped his head.

'So I could trick Chuckles in here to come out – he's not going to stay in a host he thinks is about to croak! You pull the trigger, out he comes, dud bullet, Stoker lives, SEB sucked up – QED.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' I asked, my temper rising.

'You had to mean to kill me! He might be the personification of all that is evil within the heart of man, but he's no fool.'

'Oops.'

'Oops indeed, knucklehead! Right, we'd better be out of here!'

'Isn't there a plan C?' I asked as we headed for the door.

'Shit, no!' replied Spike as he fumbled with the key. 'B is as high as I ever get!'

Another creature was rising from behind some upended tables that had once held a harvest festival display; I caught it before it was even upright. I turned back to Spike, who had the key in the lock and was muttering about how he wished he was working at Sommeworld™.

'Stay away from the door, Spike.'

He recognised the serious tone in my voice. He turned to face the barrel of my automatic.

'Whoa! Careful, Thursday, that's the end that bites.'

'It ends here and tonight, Spike.'

'This is a joke, right?'

'No joke, Spike. You're right. I have to kill you. It's the only way.'