“I know, babe.” She stepped farther into the bathroom and closed the door on the voices downstairs. “I can’t say I’ve gone through what you’re experiencing, but in some ways, I have. Zeus being locked up, yeah, but also, once, for a while, I was convinced I was dying, and that I’d have to leave Z behind. You have to know, from that point of view, from King’s, that I would never rest easy if I knew my loved one was suffering so much still living.”
I nodded, a tear dropping to the basin. “Sometimes, I think I’m getting a little better…and then I don’t.”
“It’ll take time,” she soothed, stepping up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist, both her palms flat to my belly. Her eyes were soft, but somehow stern the way only a mother’s could be as she held my gaze in the mirror and said, “Think it’s more than mourning that’s got you in such an emotional tailspin, Cress. And I think you know it.”
She splayed her hands open across my stomach, and I watched her, swallowing through the sudden desert in my throat.
“How long have you known?” I croaked.
“A few weeks. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be keeping your food down. At first maybe…when you were crying so hard you made yourself sick, but not now. Have you been to the doctor?”
I sighed, my hands sliding over Lou’s so we both pressed against the life inside me. “Yeah. Too soon to tell the gender, but he or she is healthy.”
“You need to take better care of yourself,” Lou scolded gently. “You’re growing life, Cress.”
“Life after death,” I agreed. “I think it must have been the night before the wedding or even in the forest hours before he died.”
“A parting gift from God, maybe,” she suggested, propping her face on my shoulder, rubbing her cheek against mine.
I snorted. “I believe in Satan more than God at this point.”
“From fate then.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I shifted my gaze up to hers again. “Have you told anyone else? Zeus?”
She hesitated, brow furrowing as she sensed a shift in my intensity. “I wanted to make sure before I told him. He’s going to be so excited. Everyone will be.”
I shook my head. “No, Lou, I don’t want them to know. At least, not yet. I need to go away for a spell and try to get my head on straight. If I’m going to be a single mother to King’s baby, I want to be a good one, the best one I can be. I need time away from this place before I can do that. It’s like living in a haunted house.”
“So move,” she suggested immediately, arms tightening around me as if she physically couldn’t bear to let me go. “Come live with Z and me, or we can find you a new place closer to town.”
“No. I need a vacation, and before you say you or H.R. or Ares or whoever will go with me, I don’t want them to.” I dragged in a deep breath and felt strong for the first time in a long freaking time as I said, “I knew you’d all come to me today, so I thought it would be as good a time as any to tell you. I’m going to take King’s Harley on a road trip up the coast to Alaska. It’s where we were supposed to take our honeymoon, and I just have this feeling I need to go there in order to get closure.”
“A feeling?” She frowned. “Cress, I really don’t think a long road trip on a motorbike you barely know how to drive is a good idea when you’re pregnant and mourning.”
I shrugged, but my eyes were hard on hers. “I don’t care. I’m a literature student, a book lover, and when I see signs, I believe they should be followed.”
She sighed, closing her eyes as she hugged me tightly. “You helped me in high school when I needed a friend, so I’ll stand up for you know when the brothers try to crush this plan under their heels, but I really, really hope you know what you’re doing.”
“For the first time since King died, I feel excited about something.”
“Okay, then, okay.” She blew a strand of white blond hair out of her face and smiled. “You tell them that, and they won’t be able to say boo about it.”
Oh, they said boo. Zeus stood so fast, he knocked a chair over, breaking the leg in the process, and Nova shouted so loudly, Ares had to cover his ears. Z almost demanded they call a Church meeting as a club to vote on it, but I reminded him I was a woman and not a member, not even really an Old Lady anymore.
“You insult me again by sayin’ that, Cress, I get you’re hurtin’, but I won’t forgive you,” he’d growled, stalkin’ over to hold me by the shoulders. “Long as I’m on this earth, you’ll be loved by me and cherished by me, you hear? You’re family. Fuckin’ nothin’ changes that.”