King of Iron Hearts

For an estate of eternal hate

The Midas of death

I turn everything I touch to ash

All the beautiful thins reduced to soot beneath my fingernails

But

Still I reach for that golden thing

That indelible light of life

Even knowing

The press of one finger

Will blow it all to smoke.

No one ever speaks

About the heartbreak

Of shattering another’s dreams

Of taking the love they have for you

And stamping it

Cannot be delivered.

Return to sender.

Just because I am the one that broke

Your heart

It does not mean

I didn’t rip off a little piece of my soul

In the process

The break up.

Is there beauty in ashes?

Because I am razed to the ground

Burnt up by my own flames

An arsonist

With a self-fulfilling destiny

Who knew love could be so toxic?

That the flames they spoke of wouldn’t set my heart on fire or heat my groin like warm coals.

That instead it would eat me up to ash like lit paper

Until I crumbled into dust.

Yes, she hurts me

She knows I love her because I bleed for her whenever she needs proof

She knows because I fight for her even against myself

She knows because I fell in love with her at eight and never stopped

But the cruel agony of life

Is that I will never know for sure

How much she loves me back

Because no one ever taught her how

Or gave her the courage to try.

Sometimes love stories don’t work out.

I stood in a pool of blood

At the scene of my heartbreak

And wondered if the blue and red lights

Flashing across the carnage

Could make sense of the sorrow

That brutalized my chest

As wide and gory as a rifle shot wound.

Would they itemize the reasons?

Surmise the motive

And write a report

So succinct

I would read it and

Not feel the horror of those events

Again in my heart?

The police work of therapy.

They say opposites attract

But what if

We really are polar opposites?

If our currents run at perpendicular angles and our frequencies on different channels

What if we want to love each other

But the Law of Physics disproves it?

Our bodies were magnetic

The energy between our skin

Was so strong

We couldn’t bear to be apart

But our hearts were polarized

Too contrary to coexist

So even when our bodies collided

Our souls could never connect

She was whelved so deeply in the tissues and chambers of my heart it took me years to find her

And by then it was too late.

All her life

You planted flowers under her skin

A poppy on her throat

Handfuls of peonies across her hips

A tropical paradise warm and wet

At her core

You planted lust and desire in blooms

And plumes of green leaves

All over her body

You planted a garden in her heart

But didn’t stop to watch it grow

Or smell the flowers as you passed

That blossomed just for you

Seasons of the heart.

To watch them was to know

That two souls could be perfectly matched

Harmoniously in tune

Seamlessly entangled

And somehow

Never know it

You dropped me

But I wanted to snap back

Like a yo-yo

Into your hand

Even if it meant

You would drop me

Again

I fought for my fairytale

And in the end

My prince was the villain

And I was a hero

Corners meet

Dark nesting in their folds

Harbouring the fragile glow of a woman

And I ask you then,

How do you see me?

As a creature of the moon

Refracting a light not lost

But glimmering

A soft broken piece of ancient clay

Submerged in burning fluid

That eats with tearing teeth at flesh and thought

Until

I sit a creature of the moon disowned

In human sin

Do you know me as a little lady?

With milk froth of petticoats

Stained by rusty human oil

Doll hands clutching

To the broken fingers of grace

Stunted growth now curling over like spoiled time

In shame

Know me as the little lady fallen off

A high sharp shoe

Would you want me as a naked woman lies?

Curving broken back to arch

Groaning desperate desire

From a throat painted with crimson lines

Of your love

Tasting like honeyed cream

Without the blemish of tattooed bluebells and overripe plums

Want me as I lay a woman

Exposed lines folds and hand holds

Not as naked as you’d like

Could you love me as I am?

Like a soft child’s lullaby of

Glimmering shimmering gold

Like a masterful David to look at and lust

But only wonder at in gentle curiosity

As not the naked woman lies

As not the little lady knows

As not the creature of the moon

But more a person of her own

Then how do you see me?

As I crouch in a corner of shadow’s nest

Licking and lapping at metallic red to

Stop the human oil slick

And soothe the sore lace torn flesh

Back curved in not lust for you

But pain

How do you see me now, my love?

Street poetry

Written in graffiti and waste

One man’s garbage is another’s taste

The art of being thrown away.

I couldn’t have you so

We stopped speaking.

I couldn’t avoid you so

I moved to another country.

I couldn’t forget you so

I married another woman

Dreamt of you each night

And woke up with her each morning.

I couldn’t have you yet

Even across all that ocean

With all that time between us

And me

I was still doomed to love you.

A wish is a seed

Something to plant and germinate

Something to nurture and grow

They teach you in grade school