We don’t invent our natures, Will; they’re issued to us along with our lungs and pancreas and everything else. Why fight it?
I want to help you, Will, and I’d like to start by asking you this: When you were so depressed after you shot Mr. Garrett Jacob Hobbs to death, it wasn’t the act that got you down, was it? Really, didn’t you feel so bad because killing him felt so good?
Think about it, but don’t worry about it. Why shouldn’t it feel good? It must feel good to God—He does it all the time, and are we not made in His image?
You may have noticed in the paper yesterday, God dropped a church roof on thirty-four of His worshipers in Texas Wednesday night—just as they were groveling through a hymn. Don’t you think that felt good?
Thirty-four. He’d let you have Hobbs.
He got 160 Filipinos in one plane crash last week—He’ll let you have measly Hobbs. He won’t begrudge you one measly murder. Two now. That’s all right.
Watch the papers. God always stays ahead.
Best,
Hannibal Lecter,
M.D.
Graham knew that Lecter was dead wrong about Hobbs, but for a half-second he wondered if Lecter might be a little bit right in the case of Freddy Lounds. The enemy inside Graham agreed with any accusation.
He had put his hand on Freddy’s shoulder in the Tattler photograph to establish that he really had told Freddy those insulting things about the Dragon. Or had he wanted to put Freddy at risk, just a little? He wondered.
The certain knowledge that he would not knowingly miss a chance at the Dragon reprieved him.
“I’m just about worn out with you crazy sons of bitches,” Graham said aloud.
He wanted a break. He called Molly, but no one answered the telephone at Willy’s grandparents’ house. “Probably out in their damned motorhome,” he mumbled.
He went out for coffee, partly to assure himself that he was not hiding in the jury room.
In the window of a jewelry store he saw a delicate antique gold bracelet. It cost him most of his paycheck. He had it wrapped and stamped for mailing. Only when he was sure he was alone at the mail drop did he address it to Molly in Oregon. Graham did not realize, as Molly did, that he gave presents when he was angry.
He didn’t want to go back to his jury room and work, but he had to. The thought of Valerie Leeds spurred him.
I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, Valerie Leeds had said.
He wished that he had known her. He wished . . . Useless, childish thought.
Graham was tired, selfish, resentful, fatigued to a child-minded state in which his standards of measurement were the first ones he learned; where the direction “north” was Highway 61 and “six feet” was forever the length of his father.
He made himself settle down to the minutely detailed victim profile he was putting together from a fan of reports and his own observations.
Affluence. That was one parallel. Both families were affluent. Odd that Valerie Leeds saved money on panty hose.
Graham wondered if she had been a poor child. He thought so; her own children were a little too well turned out.
Graham had been a poor child, following his father from the boatyards in Biloxi and Greenville to the lake boats on Erie. Always the new boy at school
, always the stranger. He had a half-buried grudge against the rich.
Valerie Leeds might have been a poor child. He was tempted to watch his film of her again. He could do it in the courtroom. No. The Leedses were not his immediate problem. He knew the Leedses. He did not know the Jacobis.
His lack of intimate knowledge about the Jacobis plagued him. The house fire in Detroit had taken everything—family albums, probably diaries too.
Graham tried to know them through the objects they wanted, bought and used. That was all he had.
The Jacobi probate file was three inches thick, and a lot of it was lists of possessions—a new household outfitted since the move to Birmingham. Look at all this shit. It was all insured, listed with serial numbers as the insurance companies required. Trust a man who has been burned out to buy plenty of insurance for the next time.