"Do you want more, Gen? Because you can have more. I'm willing to explore that."
Explore her submission? A relationship? "I don't know. I need to go home and think about it."
"A cautious approach isn't a bad idea. Just don't paralyze yourself with it. If this is something you want, you say how much or how little. You're in control of your own participation."
Again that emphasis on choice. But Gen hadn't expected Lyda to be willing to choose more time with her. "What do you want...I mean, do you..."
Do you really like me? It sounded so juvenile to ask it that way. But she hadn't anticipated falling short on a mature way to voice her innermost feelings about this. Maybe she could come at it from a new angle.
"You said last night I could try it from different sides. How I was with Noah that weekend...what if I wanted to be more...assertive with that?"
"Like try on the Domme hat? Where you exercise full control?" Lyda's expression was neutral, but Gen wondered if she was laughing at her. The rabbit wanting to be a wolf. She lifted her chin.
"Maybe."
"Hmm." Lyda pursed her lips. "We'll be back at The Zone Wednesday night. Can you join us? If you want to use me as a mentor, I'll walk you through some of the basics. Or I can introduce you to a club Domme, if you want a more neutral party."
Just like that. As if it wasn't a momentous decision, an explorer declaring her brave intent to seek new lands. "Would I be practicing on him?" Gen glanced at Noah.
"I'm sure he'd be happy to help you in that regard, with my permission, which I would certainly grant. But we'll see what you think once you're there. There are always more subs than Doms. You needn't limit your experience."
Gen pressed her lips together. "Are you hoping I'll fall on my face and prove that I'm really a submissive, because that's what you want me to be?"
Lyda's eyes frosted. "That's rude, Gen."
"Is it true, though?" She wasn't overwhelmed by her hormones now. She wasn't begging for punishment with her ass in the air or writhing in ecstasy beneath Lyda. What had happened last night, that didn't completely define her, as it seemed to define Noah. She needed to make that clear. Lyda wasn't Gen's Mistress. She had the right to be rude if she thought she was being patronized.
When Lyda said nothing, just continued to regard her, Gen thanked God for her interactions with Marguerite. As intimidating as Lyda's gaze was, a damn Supreme Court judge couldn't top Marguerite's pale-blue stare. Lyda's intimidation factor was close, though, especially since Gen had never made herself vulnerable to Marguerite as a lover. She literally dug the heels of the sneakers into the earth to hold fast.
"What is it you're really seeking here, Gen?" Lyda asked. "I don't think you're trying to pick a fight, but you want something that's causing you to provoke one."
"I know nothing about you," Gen pointed out. "If last night was just a carnival ride, then that's fine. I don't need to know anything more about you than the guy who pushes the lever of the Ferris wheel. And if that's it, then that's it. I go home, and I see you and Noah now and then when your paths cross Marguerite's, and I remember last night with this fond sort of disbelief. Maybe it was how little I knew about you that made last night possible, the intimacy-of-strangers kind of thing."
As Lyda remained silent, bottled emotions surged forth, surprising Gen with their strength. "I don't know what I want, Lyda," she blurted. "Any relationship scares me, because the plain truth is I make bad choices when it comes to all that. Maybe you'll think I'm silly and unsophisticated, but it's also all too intense, too emotional, for me to treat it like a carnival ride. If you tell me you want it to be more than that, maybe I'll find the courage to come back for another ride. But if the ride is all you're going to give me of yourself, I probably can't do it. There's a way about you...I could turn into some kind of puppy, craving every scrap you throw my way. I have enough self-respect to make the choice to stay away. I can sew up any holes you put in me last night and pretend they never happened."
She hadn't meant to go off like that. But every word was the God's honest truth. It had been a really long time since she'd made herself as vulnerable as she'd made herself last night. Lyda's charisma and personality tempted Gen to crack herself open like an egg and let it all spill out before her. She couldn't risk a deeper relationship on such unequal footing.
Lyda still hadn't said anything. Gen swallowed. Okay, ask for the car key, call it done. God, she was one of those crazy people who changed thei
r social media status after one date. Lyda would be glad to be rid of her. She'd order Noah to avoid Gen like a plague.
"I'm not a soft woman, Gen. I don't do nurturing, unless ordering a man to take a nap counts."
Lyda's expression softened then, enough to ease the fist around Gen's chest a little. She even gave her a smile, helping Gen manage a tentative one in return. "I don't really know why. Over the years, I've found out why isn't always that important. But I'll give you the answer you're seeking. Yes. I'm interested in exploring more with you."
"All right." Gen tried to steady her heart rate. She wanted to match Lyda's apparent calm now. "Can I ask you a couple questions about yourself? Is that okay?"
"We'll see." Lyda shifted her squatting position so she had one knee bent and her denim-clad butt braced on the heel of her work shoe, her forearm propped on the bent knee. Gen's thigh muscles would have been screaming by now. "Go for it."
"Do you have family in the area?"
"No. I pushed them away in college, and never really found my way back. I have four siblings who've provided grandchildren. I'm not missed."
She didn't see any regrets in Lyda's face, but the woman could compete with a sphinx. "You don't have any pictures of them."
"I do. In photo albums, and on my computer. I entertain in my home. I don't care to share parts of myself I don't wish to discuss."
"Entertain...as in like last night?"