There are no words to express how much I want this woman. I can feel her in everything. She's in every breath. She's in every heartbeat. And I can't stop it.
“I don't want you to go,” I finally say. “I never want you to go.”
“Then why push me away?”
“It's complicated, Mel.”
“That doesn't mean you can't explain it.”
Grabbing her hand, I pull her to the chairs by the fire, and sit her down. Slipping my fingers between hers, I pull her hand into my lap and tell her everything.
“A few years ago I had a good friend named Sadie. She was just a friend.” I reiterate, making sure she hears me. “Sadie had some guy twice her age stalk her. It got bad, really bad. There were threats, he'd follow her around, be outside her work or show up someplace she was. It was actually really scary. So we came up with a plan that we would pretend we were married. We moved in together, and made it all look legit, even spread some rumors that she was pregnant, all to hopefully drive that creep away.”
Running my thumb back and forth over the top of her hand, my eyes shift between hers. “It worked, he eventually backed off. For a little while after, we kept the lie going just to make sure. But, after a while, Sadie met someone, and dropped me entirely. We were friends since we were thirteen, and one day she just decided we weren't anymore. It hurt, it hurt a lot to lose her like that. So, I built up my wall, moved into this cabin, and decided I was better off alone.”
She smiles softly, lifting her hand to my cheek and stroking it gently.
“Then the rumors started. I became the man who abandoned his wife and child. I became the deadbeat, the loner with a wife and kid out there someplace in the world. But I was never really married, and I don't have a child running around out there somewhere.”
“Why didn't you ever say anything? Why did you let the rumors go on and not set people straight?”
“Because I still cared about her. Despite everything and how I felt about it, I still didn't want anything to happen to her. But maybe I should have, maybe I should have stood up to the rumors because none of it is true. . .” My voice fades out as I turn my attention to the fire.
She squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I understand why you did that for her. It means you care, and there's nothing wrong with caring.”
My eyes drift back to hers. “The truth is, I want everything you want. I want a family, I want someone to go hiking with, to laugh with, to live and experience life with. Being alone offers nothing. I want more than what I've been living. I got that with you, I got all of that with you, but I’m ten years older than you, and after that night with your brother, I was afraid I'd be holding you back. You're so young. You should be able to experience life however you want, and not be held back by someone like me.”
“Someone like you?”
“A guy who has rooted himself in a small town, who's ten years ahead of you, and has already done so many things you haven't even had the chance to. Like going to a bar or traveling and seeing the world.”
“I don't care about all of that, none of it matters to me. If I wanted to do any of those things, I wouldn't be here with you now. All I care about is being happy. I don't want to get hurt, Bran.”
“I'd never hurt you, Mel. I love you.” The words slip out easily and unrestricted. I don't have to think about it. I don't need to second guess what I feel.
Maybe it's because I want her to hear it. Maybe it's just the whiskey giving me a little liquid courage to say it. Either way, she knows now.
A weight lifts off my chest, making my heart hammer and the air easier to breathe.
“You love me?” she asks, her eyes growing big, pupils expanding like dark pools. The fire flicks like glitter in her gaze, making her bright green eyes explode with yellow and gold flakes.
Pinching her chin in my fingers, I gently run my thumb over her bottom lip. “I love you. I know it might seem too soon and feel like there's no way it can be real, but I swear to you, it's true. I love you, Melody. You're what I've been waiting for.”
She's quiet, her eyes moving back and forth over mine. Swallowing hard, my stomach tightens with worry.
Did I just ruin this even more?
I don't want her to think she needs to say she loves me too if she's not there yet. If she feels she needs more time, I'm all right with that. But I don't want to push her away because she thinks there's some sort of pressure to say it back.