I looked into Lena’s deep blue eyes and held her gaze. “I’ve never wanted marriage. Or a family because in my experience, it’s all lies and bullshit. I didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship, so I never even tried.” I wanted to touch her. To hold her. But I needed to get this out first. “But I think maybe with you I can do that. I’m trying, Marlena. I really am.”
She seemed slightly stunned, her eyes glassy. Was she crying?
She wiped at her face and sniffed. “I’m so sorry that was your life, Jeremy. I really am. And I think I understand a bit more now.” She gave me a watery smile.
Not able to help myself, I got up and walked around the table. I dropped down on my haunches in front of her and took her hands. “I really want to try with you.”
Tears escaped her eyes and dripped down her beautiful face. This time, I wiped them away. “Okay, Jeremy. Let’s try. Together.” she whispered. She leaned down and kissed me, cupping my face in her hands. I put my arms around her, loving the feel of her mouth. Wanting this forever.
“Excuse me. I have your next course.” The waiter cleared his throat and we broke apart. Lena and I laughed, and I went back to my seat.
I held her hand across the table while the waiter talked about the grilled scallops and cream sauce. Neither of us looked at him. Our eyes were only for each other.
And when we went back to the cabin after dinner, we didn’t jump into bed. Instead, we changed out of our clothes, started a fire, and sat together on the couch, looking out over the starlit valley. We talked softly together. About our pasts. About the future.
When we inevitably turned to each other, needing the physical intimacy, it didn’t hold the lustful fervor we were used to. We slowly made love. Touching. Holding. Kissing.
With a dull throb in my chest, I fell asleep with the woman I was growing to love curled against me.
This was what happiness felt like.
Chapter 15
Lena
I was throwing up every single morning for the past three weeks.
Some days were better than others. If I was lucky, I only threw up once and was able to get on with my routine. But most of the time involved me spending at least thirty minutes bent over the toilet bowl spewing my guts out.
After my weekend with Jeremy, I thought I was feeling better. I slept better than I had in ages and I knew it had everything to do with him.
I was still processing all he had revealed about himself. I had a deeper understanding of what made him tick, of why he had always acted as if he didn’t care about anyone or anything. Because when you grow up without a firm, loving foundation, you feel you have nothing to offer anyone.
Finding out about Adam’s “intervention” was a punch to the gut. I hadn’t said anything to my brother, and I wasn’t sure I would. I knew he had only been trying to protect me, but damn it, it was annoying. I knew I’d have to talk to him eventually because that night tucked away in the woods, away from Southport and everyone we knew, gave me a glimpse at what a life with Jeremy Wyatt could be like. And I liked what I saw.
I had misjudged him and I was tired of denying that I cared about him more than I had ever cared about anyone.
The feelings that filled me up inside were creeping dangerously close to love.
Who am I kidding?
I was already there.
But then the vomiting started again. I couldn’t drink coffee; the smell turned my stomach. I felt as if I were walking around in a fog. My concentration was shot. When Whitney had to say my name five times before I responded, my old friend picked up on something being wrong.
“Earth to Lena.” She snapped her fingers in front of my face. I had been standing in front of the coffee maker for the past fifteen minutes, staring off into space. My nausea had subsided, but I felt like I was dragging serious ass.
I blinked. “Sorry. What?” I poured the coffee, took a sip, and immediately poured it out.
“Something wrong with the coffee?” Whitney asked, pouring her own cup, and taking a drink. She frowned. “Tastes fine to me.”
“I don’t know what it is, but the taste of coffee makes me want to hurl. Which I’ve been doing most of the morning.” I filled a glass with water and drank that instead.
Whitney gave me a strange look. “You were sick this morning?”
“Yeah. I’ve been fighting a bug for a few weeks now. I thought I had kicked it, but I guess I was wrong. This morning was bad. I should probably go to the doctor if I’m not better by the end of the week.” I finished my water and washed the glass.