Say It's Not Fake

“She’s a straight-up bitch. We all knew it even when you didn’t,” Skylar pointed out. “I’m tempted to drive down to Florida and let my fist meet her face.”

“No need for violence.” I chuckled, appreciating the humor. I needed it. “Adam says the fact that she’s been in treatment for her postpartum and is trying to better her life and create a stable environment for Katie will look favorably to any judge.” I rubbed my temples, knowing the headache that brewed there would only be the first of many during all this.

“It’s not fair!” Meg fumed.

“I know. It sucks. But we’ll figure something out. Web is keeping his kid here in Southport, or I’ll die trying,” Adam stated, putting the tray of drinks down on the table and divvying them out.

“Okay, so what’s the plan then?” Skylar asked, ever the pragmatist. She’d want to figure all this out. Tonight.

“Drink!” Adam commanded, pointing to the shots. Skylar and I did as we were told, knocking them back without so much as a grimace. We were old hats at this.

Meg watched us, sipping her lemonade, and made a face. “Trying not to be jealous over here.”

Adam pushed two more shots toward us. Skylar raised hers in the air, and we all mimicked her action. “Here’s to fighting fire with even more fire,” she toasted.

“Here, here!” Meg cheered.

“It’s going to be a goddamn inferno!” Adam shouted. He put the shot glass to his lips and looked at Meg before drinking it. “You okay being the designated driver, babe?”

Meg rolled her eyes. “Oh, I see why I’m here now,” she huffed, but we all knew she didn’t mean it. She waved her hands at all of us. “Drink, drink. Get wasted. Mama Meg will take care of you. This is for our Webber.”

Adam kissed her soundly on the mouth before knocking back his double shot of vodka.

The alcohol worked quickly. I was already slightly buzzed, and the warmth that spread through my body made everything seem hazy. The coiled anxiety that had been sitting like a lump in my stomach all day loosened a fraction. It could be the booze, or it could be the company. Either way, I felt less despondent than I had earlier. Friendship was good for that.

Skylar and I leaned into each other. “So, let’s think. What can we do about this?” Skylar raised her eyebrows, her eyes glittering darkly. “I know some people, Web. The right kind of people if you know what I mean.”

“Okay, okay. I don’t think we need to resort to that kind of solution,” Adam interjected quickly, holding his hand up.

“What kind of solution? What are we talking about?” Meg asked, ever oblivious.

“Nothing, sweetheart,” Adam placated, kissing her temple.

“I think we need more drinks.” Skylar waved down the waitress and put an order for another round.

Thirty minutes later, three out of four of us were starting to feel sloppy.

“You just have to prove you can provide Katie a shtable homeshlife,” Adam stated, his words slurring.

Skylar waved her hands in the air like she was conducting an orchestra. “What do you think he’s been doing, dumb ass? Coaching a rugby team? He’s Mr. Stable. The stableist of stable people. He’s stable with a capital S!”

Meg laughed. “That’s right, Skylar! You need a character witness, you’ve got one right there.” She pointed at our friend, who raised her hands over her head like a prize boxer.

Adam frowned. “No, no. No character witnesses. It’s about proving stuff. You have to show …” His voice drifted off, his eyes focusing on something over my shoulder. I turned to look behind me, but there wasn’t anyone there. He seemed to have zoned out.

“Hello? Anyone there?” I snapped my fingers in his face, and he blinked, giving his head a shake.

Adam glanced at Meg. “I just had a wild thought.”

Meg balanced her chin on her fist and batted her eyelashes at her husband. “Do share what’s in that big ’ol sexy brain of yours.”

Adam lifted a finger in the air. “My brain is huge. And sexy. Like other things.” He winked at Meg, and Skylar and I both made a show of dry heaving.

“Please. Enough of that,” Skylar grimaced.

“Seriously. I’m not nearly drunk enough to hear about Decate’s dick size. Though there was that time he was swinging it around like a helicopter propeller in the changing room at school—”

“This is serious, Webber. I think I have a plan. It’s a great plan too.” Adam cut me off.

“Well, don’t keep us all in suspense. What is it?” Skylar demanded, slamming her hand on the table, making Adam jump.

“Jesus, okay. So, the key is to prove a stable home life. That will sway the judge more than anything,” he began.

“I think I can do. I have my own business. I own my house. My mom watches Katie, and she starts daycare in the fall. She’s way ahead on all her milestones,” I started to say.