Say It's Not Fake

“We both want you to be happy. And if Leo makes you happy, then I’m happy. Meg is too.”

Mom patted the back of my hand. “And that’s what I want for you.”

“I’m getting there, Mom,” I told her sincerely. “I really am.”

**

“How was your Mom?” Kyle asked later that evening.

“She was good. Still seeing Leo Ship. He’s taking her to his lake house this weekend.” I took a pair of pajamas from the dresser in Katie’s room. Kyle was chasing his daughter around the room, trying to herd her into the bathroom for a bath. So far, she wasn’t having it.

“Oh wow, getting serious then,” Kyle commented as Katie ran past him and out to the hallway. “Ugh, Katie, get back here! You can have bubbles!”

“No!” I heard her yell, followed by the pitter-patter of her footsteps, then the very loud slam of his bedroom door.

“I think you might need reinforcements.” I chuckled. “May I?”

“Please. You’d think I was going to dip her in battery acid.” Kyle sighed tiredly. He looked exhausted. I knew the stress of the custody trial as well as the increase in his workload was wearing on him.

“Katie Boo, where are you?” I called out.

“No!” I heard her sweet voice shout from somewhere in Kyle’s room.

I found her hiding under the blankets on his king-sized bed.

“Oh, where oh where can Katie Boo be?” I sang before pulling the blankets back in a dramatic swoosh.

“Ahh!” she screamed as I scooped her up into my arms and ran her down the hallway to the bathroom.

“It’s time to wash the princess!” I declared. “Bubbles or no bubbles?” I asked, not giving her time to throw a fit. I had learned that keeping her occupied was the key to stopping temper tantrums.

“Bubbles!” Katie yelled her hands in the air.

“Bubbles it is. I think you need your magic wand, so they get extra big.” I handed her the plastic wand with the star on the end. “Now stand there and say the magic word, abracadabra. And we’ll watch the bubbles grow.”

“Yes! Bubs!”

The water was running into the tub, and I poured some bubble solution under the faucet. “Abracadabra!” I shouted, waving my hands around.

Abacaba!” Katie tried to imitate.

“Look at the bubbles, Katie!” I gasped, lifting her up again and bending her over the bathtub.

“Ohhh,” she whispered in awe.

Without any further shenanigans, I was able to get her undressed and into the bathtub, where she played happily with her rubber duck and wand.

“You’re a natural. It’s like you were made for this,” Kyle said from the doorway, leaning against the jamb, watching the two of us.

“Katie makes it easy,” I responded dismissively, feeling that clenching sensation in my belly at his comment.

“No, I think it’s just you,” he argued, coming into the bathroom, and closing the door behind him. Even though the bathroom was fairly large with the claw-footed tub against the back corner and Katie’s changing table by the door, it was still tight for the three of us in there together. I loved this bathroom. Kyle had chosen black and white tile for the floor and a soft green for the walls. He had put up shelving that held pictures of Katie when she was an infant and an assortment of random sea-themed knick-knacks. There was even a giant bay window covered with plantation style blinds for privacy that overlooked the backyard.

“Pay!” Katie declared from the bathtub, rubbing bubbles into her hair.

“She wants you to play with her,” Kyle interpreted, though it wasn’t necessary as I was becoming fluent in Katie language.

“I guess I’m being summoned.” I laughed, kneeling by the tub, filling a plastic cup with bubbles, and dumping them over Katie’s head.

“See, a natural,” Kyle mused, sitting down on the floor beside me. He flicked his fingers in the water, splashing Katie, who laughed harder. “Have you ever thought about having your own?” he asked.

It was a simple question. Not really intrusive given that we were married and all, but it felt invasive. I had spent a long time avoiding that very question.

I hesitated, and Kyle picked up on it immediately. “I shouldn't have asked that. I was being nosy. I’m sorry—”

I couldn’t look at him, so I focused on Katie instead. I squirted shampoo in my hand and slowly worked it into her dark hair, the same color as Kyle’s. She took after him so much that it was hard to see any of Josie in her sweet face.

“I never really thought about it. Kids weren’t in my plan, ya know?” I cleared my throat, the words hard to say. “But that didn’t mean I didn’t want them eventually. I always figured I’d have them someday.”

“You’re young. I get that.” Kyle handed me Katie’s washcloth, and I wiped her face. She was busy slapping her hands into the water that she didn’t mind.