Say It's Not Fake

“Thanks, Josie,” I said, almost feeling sorry for her. I had been that woman once. Hopelessly in love with a man that could never, would never, love me back.

“I shouldn’t be surprised the two of you ended up together. She was always there between us, after all.” Josie sounded so incredibly bitter. Her lip curled, and there was a flash of anger that she quickly tamped down.

“You’re right. I never got over Whitney. We both knew that.” Kyle pulled me tighter against him as if he wanted to mash us together. I wasn’t sure why he was being so needlessly hateful. Why rub our relationship in Josie’s face?

I pulled away slightly, not wanting to be a part of whatever this was. “I hear you’re staying in town for a while.”

Josie’s eyes zeroed in on Kyle again. “Yes. Until things are settled.”

Why did it feel like she didn’t just mean regarding custody?

“Do you want to see Katie?” I asked when neither Josie nor Kyle said anything else. Kyle looked angry and defiant, the exact opposite of our plan to remain calm and collected. And Josie came across like a lovesick schoolgirl. It was all very uncomfortable.

Josie snapped out of her Kyle fixation and looked around, her eyes drifting right over Katie, who was only ten feet away. “Where is she?”

How does she not recognize her own daughter?

I tried not to judge her too harshly for that. She hadn’t been around Katie since she was a few months old. Even though Kyle had sent her pictures, it wasn’t the same as seeing someone in real life.

But still …

Kyle knelt down beside Katie. “Hey, Bug, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He lifted her into his arms, not caring in the slightest when she rubbed sand down his arms.

He carried her over to Josie, and with her balanced on his hip, he spoke softly to his little girl, who was about to meet her mother. “Katie Bug, this is your mommy. Can you say hi?”

Josie took a step toward them and bent down so that her face was only inches from Katie’s. She plastered a smile on her face, her eyes widening comically. “Hi, Katie, I’m your mommy.” She spoke slowly as if talking to someone that was hard of hearing.

“She’s not stupid, Josie. You can talk to her normally,” Kyle snapped.

Josie held her arms out. “Can I have a hug?”

I saw the look on Katie’s face and knew instantly this was going very badly. Josie clearly didn’t know how to act around children. She was uncomfortable and awkward, and Katie was picking up on that.

“Hug?” Josie asked again when Katie didn’t say or do anything.

“No!” Katie yelled, burying her face in Kyle’s neck, clinging to him for dear life.

Josie reared back as if she had been slapped. “What’s wrong with her? Why won’t she come to me?”

Kyle glared at Josie. “Because she doesn’t know you. You’re a stranger. Let her warm up to you before you go getting into her face like that. First thing, take a step back, will ya?”

Josie backed up, looking wounded. She seemed to wear that particular expression a lot. “I just want to hold my baby,” she said so, so softly, wiping a tear from her eye.

I felt bad for her, but it was obvious Kyle didn’t. I could see the tick in his jaw. “And as you can tell, she doesn’t want that. It’s not about you, Josie.”

“Maybe Josie can play with Katie in the sandbox. Something easy, with no pressure,” I offered, wanting to push through this horrible tension.

“Sure.” Josie shrugged.

“Fine,” Kyle said through clenched teeth, then his face softened as he spoke to Katie. “Want to dig in the sand some more?”

The little girl lifted her head and nodded with enthusiasm. Kyle settled her down into the sand and handed her the shovel she had been playing with before. Josie slowly sat beside her. Kyle stayed close by but otherwise allowed Josie to interact with her on her own. I sat down on the bench, feeling suddenly like a third wheel.

It was odd watching the three of them together. Even though Kyle’s anger toward Josie was palpable and her infatuation was just as clear, they were Katie’s parents. I was the stepmom. Not even really the stepmom, given that the entire marriage was a farce.

“Here.” Kyle handed Josie a bucket.

“Do you want to put the sand in the bucket?” Josie asked Katie, thankfully dropping the slow cadence.

Katie dug up a lump of sand and shoveled it into the bucket. When it was full, she looked up at Josie and pointed. “Pour!” Josie turned over the bucket and dumped the sand into a pile. Katie grinned. “Again!” she called out.

We spent the next hour with Katie filling Josie’s bucket with sand and Josie adding it to the pile they were making. Katie didn’t talk much to Josie, but she didn’t get upset again. And Josie didn’t push the little girl. She sat there and talked a bit, but otherwise just held the bucket for her.