To Have and to Hate

“Uh, yes.” A train screeches to a halt behind me, and I press my finger to my exposed ear so I can hear the person on the other end better. “May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is April, Mr. Jennings’ assistant,” she replies, all business with her prim-and-proper tone.

“Walt’s assistant?”

“Yes. Mr. Walter Jennings II.”

Good grief, what a mouthful.

“Oh, okay.”

“Yes, sorry if I’ve caught you at a bad time, but I have a few things to go over with you.”

“Wait, I’m confused. I thought Mason was Walt’s assistant.”

“Yes, that’s correct. Mason is Mr. Jennings’ first assistant. I’m the one who handles his grunt work.”

I think she meant her statement to be self-deprecating, but there’s a heavy pause as we both realize she’s just referred to me as grunt work. I can’t help it. After the day I’ve had, I actually laugh.

“Is there any way we could pretend I didn’t just say that?” she asks, sounding thoroughly embarrassed and much less professional than she did at the start of the phone call. I think we’ve both decided to drop pretense.

“Sure, yeah. It’s fine. What did you say you’re calling about again? I’m waiting on my train so I’m worried the call might drop at any second.”

“Oh! I’ll be brief then. I have a packet of information to email over to you from Mr. Jennings’ lawyer. They need you to review it, sign, and email it back as soon as possible.”

“What’s in the packet?”

“I’m not sure. It’s password protected with your social security number, so I can’t view it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Um…yes.”

“Don’t you think this is all a little weird?”

“God yes.” She laughs. “I thought I was the only one.”

A laugh sputters out of me, and she lowers her voice before continuing, “Did you really marry Walt this morning at the courthouse? That’s the rumor going around the office, but I didn’t dare believe it.”

“Yes…I did.”

“Holy shit.”

“Are you two friends?” I ask impulsively, hungry for information about Walt.

“Friends? Um, not at all.” She emphasizes the words as if to drive home that fact. “I’ve worked for him for six months and he’s barely said five words to me outside of work stuff.”

“So then he’s an asshole to his employees?”

She mulls my question over for a second. “Asshole isn’t the right word. He’s decent enough, just sort of austere. Or maybe aloof is a better word. You know what I mean—you married the guy.”

I wish I could admit to her the entire truth, but I doubt he’d want one of his assistants knowing intimate details about his life.

I see my train pulling up to the platform, and I know I can’t linger on the phone much longer. I spout off my email address quickly for April, who says she already has it. She was just calling to alert me that the documents are time sensitive.

“Right, okay.”

“Well…that’s all. I guess I should say congratulations?” she quips.

Yeah. Congratulations to me.

I don’t waste a single second back at the hotel. I scan my keycard, fling the door open, and grab my laptop off the bed. Sure enough, there’s an email waiting for me from Rupert Hirsch, Walt’s lawyer.

Four

In the email, Rupert briefly introduces himself and gives the reason he’s reaching out to me. He reiterates the time crunch then immediately jumps into business. Below the introductory paragraph, there are explicit instructions on who to contact when and for what reasons, along with accompanying phone numbers and email addresses. I skim over it, my annoyance growing by the second.

For questions or concerns regarding the Brighton-Jennings Trust, please contact Rupert Hirsch at Hirsch & Dershowitz.

For questions or concerns regarding details of the civil union between yourself and Mr. Walter Jennings II, please contact Rupert Hirsch at Hirsch & Dershowitz.

For questions or concerns that might be directed toward Mr. Walter Jennings II, please contact Mason Cunningham.

If Mason Cunningham is unavailable, please contact April Grant.

In case of emergencies only, Walter Jennings II may be reached using the following contact information.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES ONLY may I contact my husband. What in the world? Who does he think he is? Honestly! I’m not allowed to contact the guy? THE MAN I’M MARRIED TO?!

I’m pacing now, good and pissed.

I thought of all people he would at least understand. I thought he’d reach out at some point and say, Hey, this is all weird, but why don’t we get coffee and get to know each other better, not that he’d IN-CASE-OF-EMERGENCIES-ONLY me.

Owing to an upbringing where children were better off seen and not heard, I don’t do anything impulsive. Instead, I walk off my anger around the block near the hotel. Then, I stop and splurge on a pretzel because I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I eat most of it then feed the last little bit to a cute squirrel. That squirrel doesn’t take no for an answer once I’ve run out of food and will not stop following me on my walk back to my hotel. I think I have a new pet. I look back and I swear he stops too, like he’s saying, Where to next, miss?