To Have and to Hate

There was a slight breeze on that spring morning, just enough to ruffle my hair as I turned the corner and confirmed I was at the location where she’d told me to meet her. I looked at the building behind me, though the shop was still closed. Then I turned and faced the pedestrian bridge crossing the Seine and saw Elizabeth standing midway down it beside a wrought iron lamp post.

She smiled as she saw me start to walk in her direction.

There were already tourists out, flocking to the bridge to take pictures.

When I reached Elizabeth, she smiled and asked me if I knew where I was standing.

I looked around me, trying to determine what she was hinting at. There was the Louvre on the other end of the bridge and the Île de la Cité with Notre-Dame towering over the skyline to our right.

“This is Lovers Bridge,” she said, taking pity on me. “Remember? There used to be thousands of padlocks attached on the side rails before the city had to remove them. They were breaking the bridge. Can you imagine? All that love was pretty heavy, I guess.”

I hummed in realization. “I’d forgotten about that.”

“It’s not as iconic now.” She shrugged. “Just a regular ol’ bridge. I’d forgotten that when I hatched my plan this morning.”

My brows furrowed in confusion as she smiled and unfurled her hand.

“I’d get down on one knee, but since we’re already married, I’m not sure what the protocol is for this sort of thing,” she said with a teasing smile as she held up a simple antique gold band.

Her hand was trembling with nerves.

I stood, staring down at it, at a loss for words.

“It’s a wedding band,” she said, holding it closer to me. “For you.”

That ring is still on my left hand. A few years back, I had to take it in and have it repaired. It’d become so thin in one spot I was scared it would break. The jeweler replaced that part of the band with a new thicker piece of gold. At the time, Elizabeth suggested I just get an upgrade. I didn’t want an upgrade.

I never imagined I’d be standing here today, a decade since I first married Elizabeth at the courthouse. I’ll never forget walking up and seeing her that day clad in her short dress and heavy boots. She should have run for the hills when I approached, but she looked up at me, her green eyes shining. She was so unabashedly hopeful, so stubborn. I thought of her constantly, even in the early days, even before she moved into my apartment.

I’ve told her that before, shared with her how quickly I developed feelings for her. She laughs every time I remind her, like it shocks her all over again.

“You sure didn’t act like it!” she loves to tell me.

Yes well, what was I supposed to do? It was scary even to me.

She and I were meant to have an easy arrangement. I was going to change the trust, dissolve our marriage, and settle back into life as I knew it. She was supposed to follow the rules of the contract and contact me only in case of emergency, not move into my spare bedroom and call me out on my grumpiness.

I’m glad every damn day that she didn’t back down when she should have.

“Do you remember what we ate there last time?” she asks now, referring to Bontemps. “I remember they had a chocolate tart that we fought over, right? God it was so good.”

I nod, smiling down at her.

“What?” she says, poking my stomach. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. Come on, the line’s moving.”

“Oh-kay weirdo.”

I lean down and kiss her hair, tightening my arm around her.

“I love you,” she tells me with an easy smile.

“I love you too.”

The girls groan.

“GUYS! Please stooop!”