Sweet Little Nothing

Confusion slows me as my brain and body battle, the two no longer functioning as a cohesive unit.

While my brain screams for me to run far and fast, my body, the stupid traitorous wench, is trembling with need, hungry for his touch.

I’m half tempted to turn back and demand answers. But my pride makes me pump my legs faster, carrying me away from him and the warring feelings he’s stirring in me.

The sun nearly blinds me as I barrel out of the building.

The quad is full of students, all laughing and smiling and living, while all I’m doing is existing. And even then, just barely.

Their laughter rachets up my distress. Because in that office, with Sterling’s body pressed against mine… I felt normal.

How sick is that? How completely messed up am I?

Through my tears, I see a little alcove to my left and duck into it. I collapse onto the stone bench and draw my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.

Tucked away and out of sight, I let myself break down and sob silently.

Over and over, I replay our kiss as I rub my index finger over my lips, recalling vividly the way Sterling’s lips felt against mine, the way he tasted.

It’s been nearly a year since my stepbrother stole my innocence, and after the unspeakable, unconscionable things he did to me, maybe I really am broken.

I have to be, right?

There’s no other explanation for why I not only allowed Sterling to touch me, but liked it, too. Even now, my body is singing his praises while the more logical part of me is scrambling to make sense of any of it.

I mean, how is it possible for one man to affect me so? He can disarm as quickly as he can antagonize me. Truly, the man is infuriating. He’s cold. Cruel and calculating. He’s told me time and time again; he wants to ruin me.

Even worse, how could I allow it? How could I allow him of all people to touch me?

I haven’t let a man touch me since Rob. Not a single one.

I swore that the next time I so much as held hands with a man, it would be on my terms, with someone I love and trust.

Not a hate-kiss in a dark office, with a man who’s been so cruel.

And what do you know... I let him.

In more ways than one, because how will any other kiss measure up?

I showed him my weak underbelly when I didn’t push him away. My pathetic half-assed protests may as well have been me begging for more.

Which I would’ve done, if that door wouldn’t have slammed.

Sterling is a bully, and everything I despise in a man, and yet my lips still burn with the flames of his kiss.

My tears start anew as I berate myself for being so stupid. It’s not like he cares about me. If anything, his kiss is another game, meant to confuse me.

Rob always loved to play games; they were designed to hurt and only he ever won.

Who’s to say Sterling is any different? What’s that stupid saying… you are the company you keep? Yeah, that’s it. And Sterling and Rob have been damn near inseparable for as long as I’ve known them.

Clearly, Sterling Abbot is dangerous. I’m weak for him and now, he knows it.

How could I’ve let that happen? The question slams into my skull over and over, battering me until I’m on the verge of losing it.

“Just calm down,” I mutter to myself, willing my stupid tears to dry. The fact that I’m sitting here crying over him at all is infuriating in and of itself.

He only has power over me because I allow it. The problem is, I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to wrench myself free from the hold he has over me.

But I will. If it’s the last thing I do, I will.

Finally, my tears dry and I force myself up from the bench. I shoot Stella a quick text asking her to meet me in our suite, if she can, before creeping out of my hiding place.

Except, before I can step foot back onto the sidewalk, I slam into a brick wall.

“Oof!” I stumble back, clutching my forehead.

“Sweets.” Okay, so not a wall... a Gabe. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

“What do they feed you?”

He starts to flex, but something stops him. “Have you... have you been crying?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Zach!” Gabe hollers, and in the blink of an eye, he appears.

“Yeah? Oh, Emmy. Have you been crying?”

Gabe tips his head back, as if to say see, I told you!

“I’m fine, guys.”

“Tell Daddy what’s wrong,” Gabe says, linking his arm with mine.

Zach takes up post on my other side. “Whose ass do we need to kick?”

“If I had to guess, I’d say her TA.”