Sweet Little Nothing

“Not enough.” I pivot in a wide circle, clipping my hip on the vanity. “Never enough. Stupid!”

Tears cloud my vision as I struggle to breathe. I want… I need the pain to stop. For my past to stop haunting me. For the taunts and leers to go away.

I’m a top spinning out of control, desperate for someone—anyone—to save me from the path my own self-loathing is shoving me down. If I’d have been stronger—smarter—none of this would’ve happened to me.

My breaths heave in and out of my lungs as a humorless laugh slips past my trembling lips. God knows, there’s not a single person on this planet who cares enough to try and pull me from the murky depths of my misery. If anything, they’d press their boots to the back of my head and hold me under.

My hands shake as I press down on the lid, pushing to the right.

“Dammit!” I cry as the orange bottle slips and my blessed relief falls to the floor. The tablets scatter and roll around my feet as I fall to my knees in a desperate attempt to gather them.

With one hand clutching pills, I grip the edge of the vanity and pull myself back to standing with the other. The reflection staring back at me is the face of a stranger. She looks like me, but different, too. The face in the mirror is how I feel inside—worthless…empty…hollow.

Already gone.

I watch as she raises her hand and jams the pills into her mouth. The plasticky outer-coating quickly gives way to a bitter taste. Her face puckers, and so does mine.

She is me, but she’s more than me. She’s all of my hurt and bitterness and suffering personified. She’s the part of me that’s broken beyond repair—used up and dirty, unwanted and unloved. She’s the voice urging me to end it all. I’ve fought her for so long, but now, my fight is gone.

Chapter Forty-One

Sterling

After dancing with Emmy, her body so close, grinding against mine, I want nothing more than to find us somewhere private to go.

Or better yet, home.

But I dragged her out, so I might as well see it through. Although, I'm not even sure why I wanted us to come, other than it being a wildcat tradition.

"Oh, look! There’s Gabe and Zach." I look to where she's pointing, easily finding the blond giant in the crowd. "Wanna go say hi?"

My phone buzzes in my pocket for the fifth time in as many minutes. "You go ahead, baby. I'll wait here," I tell her, keeping my eyes trained on her until she makes it across the room to her friends.

They squish her in a hug and I look away, sliding my phone from my pocket, already knowing who it is. Foolishly, I thought blocking his number would be enough.

Unknown: You brought her to bed... and now you can both lie in it.

Unknown: She stained my sheets red when I choked her, and she turned blue. You took what's mine, now I'm coming for you.

Jesus Christ. He's actually lost his mind.

Unknown: Don't fucking ignore me, Sterling. You owe me.

Unknown: You took from me. You lied to me. What happens next is on you.

Unknown: You have received a video message, tap to play.

I know I shouldn't click the link. I fucking know I shouldn't, but I do.

Anger, bright and hot, burns through me as Emmalyn's body fills my screen. I close the link before the sound can start, my body practically vibrating in rage.

My anger turns to dread as all around me people start checking their phones, nudging the person next to them and sharing their screen.

That dread turns to panic as the guy next to me shows me his screen, confirming my worst fears: the link wasn't only sent to me, it was sent to everyone.

Every single person at this party is now watching what should have been a beautiful and private moment, and to make matters worse, the fucker edited the video to paint my Emmy in the worst light, showing all of her and hardly any of me.

My brain can't even begin to comprehend how Rob pulled this off, but I fucking know it was him, and there will be hell to pay.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I yell, causing several heads to turn my way.

I search for her, but she's not with Gabe and Zach anymore. Or, if she is, they aren't where they were.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I spot her. Except, before I can get to her, the music cuts out and the sounds of sex—our sex—blast from the speakers.

She stands frozen, with tears dripping from her chin. Her entire body is shaking like a leaf, and Gabe and Zach are nowhere in sight.

My vision goes red as people shout and leer at her; a few even try to touch her, and I commit their faces to memory, fully prepared to make them pay later, once I know she's okay.