Sweet Little Nothing

There's this tension between us, an awkwardness. It's as if a rift the size of an ocean has suddenly opened, and we’re each standing on opposite sides.

"You look good, Ster," I say, biting my lip.

"Thanks."

I drop my eyes to my feet and move toward him as an awkward silence settles over us.

It's weird. Neither of us seem to know what to say or how to act.

Gone is the confident-to-the-point-of-cocky man I fell in love with and in his place is this unsure replica. He looks like my Sterling, but doesn't act like him. And I worry it's my fault.

"I parked out front."

"Great."

Neither of us speak again until we're a few miles down the road, when I say, "I want you to know, I realize you didn't have anything to do with...everything. I know that now."

"Really?" The hopeful edge in his voice flutters through my belly, but I tamp them down. I'm not ready to tackle the issue of us quite yet.

Lord knows, I need to work on me before I can even think about being a part of an us.

"Really.”

"There's a lot we need to talk about."

"Yeah." I glance his way, before returning my gaze to the curvy mountain road. "But can it maybe wait?"

From the corner of my eye, I see his fingers tighten around the steering wheel. "Yeah. Of course. Whenever you're ready."

"How is Stella? And Gabe and Zach?"

"They're okay. Good. Worried about you. But I've kept them in the loop."

"Thanks, I guess."

I hate this distance between us. I want so badly to reach over the console and take his hand in mine, to comfort him and to let him comfort me, but now I'm second-guessing every decision I make.

Plus who's to say he's even interested in me anymore? I can’t imagine he would be, not when he can have anyone.

Why on earth would he settle for me, especially now that he knows just how weak I really am?

A deep melancholy wraps itself around me. I'm so lost in my woe-is-me despair that I don't even notice we're parked outside of my dorm until he cuts the engine.

"Can I walk you up?”

"Sure, if that's what makes you happy."

I won't admit it out loud, but I'm secretly glad he's going to walk me. The last thing I want is to chance running into Melanie alone. A shiver rolls through me at the mere thought.

Sterling gives me a long look, one loaded with some deeply felt emotion I can't quite pick apart. "You," he says, opening his door and climbing out of his car. "You make me happy."

I follow after him, not quite knowing how to reply. I want to tell him that he makes me happy, too, but I can't.

How can I, when I'm not even happy with myself?

I'm on pins and needles until we step inside my suite. "Where is Stella?" I ask, scanning the empty suite, looking for any evidence of what took place here only a few short days ago.

"She should be back in just a bit. She didn't want you to be overwhelmed right when you got home."

"Oh. Okay." I walk farther into the space, my hands shaking slightly. "When will she be back?" For some reason the thought of being here alone makes me feel jumpy as hell.

"I...I could wait with you, if you want."

"Please. If you don't mind."

Sterling's eyes light up. "There's nothing more important than you."

I don't know how to respond to him, so I don't.

"Come sit with me," he says, dropping down onto the couch, patting the cushion beside him.

I do, and we once again lapse into a stilted silence.

"Can we... can we talk?" Sterling asks, finally.

"About what?"

"God, so much. We can start slow, I guess."

I nod, waiting for him to continue.

"First things first. I just want to get this out of the way, and please know, you don't have say anything back, but I love you. That hasn't changed, and it's not gonna change. If anything, my feelings have only grown stronger. My heart beats for you, Emmalyn. I'm sure you need time to process everything, but I'm willing to wait."

He laughs through his nose. "I'm not typically a patient man, but for you, I can wait."

I flex my fingers, clutching the hem of my sweatshirt. I want so badly to reach out to him, to pull him to me to hold him close. To press my chest to his and feel our hearts beating together, but I force myself to remain seated.

"Sterling, I..."

"You don't have to say anything."

"No. I-I love you, too. I do. I just need time."

Before he can say anything else, the door opens and Stella walks in.

"I guess that's my cue to leave.” He leans in, as if he's going to hug me, but stops short.

Deep breaths, I tell myself before I lean in, closing the distance between us, pulling him to me so our foreheads touch.