“Why are we stopping?” Joslyn’s grip loosened around me.
“It’s such a beautiful day. Don’t you want to enjoy the moment?” I glanced at her over my shoulder. She looked hesitant.
“I guess.”
“I want to call the main house and ask them to bring food to the rose garden for us.”
“Oh. Okay.” She blinked, shaking her head. “I should have thought of that.”
“You’ve been out of sorts today. It’s not a big deal.”
“Out of sorts?” She frowned as she climbed off the stallion with ease. “I guess I have been.”
“It happens to all of us.” I hopped down and walked Shadow over to one of the water trenches, tying him loosely to it and filling it with the water from the saddlebag. He immediately started lapping at it.
“Tomorrow I’ll have my head on straight,” she said and I knew she wasn’t joking; her voice was as serious as her expression when I turned to face her.
“You can take a few days if you want.”
“No. I don’t need a few days. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” I felt my brow raise. “What’s David going to think when we announce that we’re dating?”
“You ask me that now? After you sold me on the idea and then basically blackmailed me for good measure?” She laughed.
“In all honestly, I couldn’t care less what David thinks about it or how he feels.” I shrugged a shoulder. “I’m asking because I want to know how you feel about him knowing.”
“I don’t feel anything. We broke up. It won’t matter to him.”
“Ah, yes, you broke up. I had a feeling that was why you agreed to this.” I glanced away from her, at the small lake a few steps away from us. The lake I’d swum more times than I could count. The lake I had skinny-dipped in, had sex in. All things we couldn’t do right now even if we wanted to. It wasn’t freezing today, but it was still too cold to step foot in it.
“I agreed because it’s not the dumbest idea you’ve ever come up with.”
“I’m flattered you think so.” I couldn’t help my laugh. Joss had a way of backwards complimenting me that I loved.
“I just don’t think we should lie to everyone about it,” she said a little quieter. “Oscar doesn’t like it.”
“He said that? I thought he’d be thrilled.”
“He thinks you should get together with his mother. Can you blame the boy?” Joslyn’s lip turned into a small smile. A sad smile.
I looked at the lake again. I’d been with my fair share of women in my day. Married, engaged, with short- and long-term boyfriends. The way I saw it, their relationship status wasn’t my problem. If they wanted to spend a night with me, who was I to refuse? Of course, that was how Oscar had come into all of this. One drunken night with Esmée and boom, a consequence. The good kind of consequence, if you asked me, though I’m sure at the time I would not have seen it that way. I looked at Joslyn again.
“I wouldn’t want to hurt Esmée. Hurting her would mean hurting Oscar. I would never put her in that situation.”
“So instead you’ll hurt me since I’m expendable to you.”
“I never said you were.” I stepped forward, closing the distance between us. Joss took a step back, crashing into the trunk of the tree behind her.
“You treat me like I am.”
“When, Joslyn? When have I ever treated you like you’re expendable to me?” I stepped closer still, my breath tickling her face.
I wasn’t even touching her, but I knew she was finding it difficult to speak right now. I wasn’t even sure how I was still speaking. All of my blood seemed to travel south of my waist.
“You’ve never treated me like I wasn’t. To you, I’m just another girl. Another notch on your bedpost, aren’t I?”
“Never.” I shook my head, the tip of my nose flicking hers. “I’ve never seen you as that.”
“You’ve acted like it, with your flirting, with your parties, with your—”
I reached out, grabbed the back of her neck, and kissed her before she had a chance to finish her sentence. She moaned into my mouth, as I moaned into hers, deepening the kiss as the swell of my heart, of my cock, threatened to make me combust. She tore away, her gaze wild on mine.
“Why did you kiss me?”
“How could I not?”
“Because . . . you don’t even like me. This is all pretend. We should draw the line somewhere—”
I kissed her again, breaking the kiss only to drag my lips down her neck, tickling just over the swells of her breasts. I wanted nothing more than to tear the shirt she had on down and suck her nipples into my mouth, but I didn’t want to push her, not yet, not until I knew for certain she wanted this just as much as I did. When her hands gripped the collar of my shirt, pleading, begging, I knew she did, but I also knew that it would mean exposing myself, baring myself to her, in a way I wasn’t sure I was able to do just yet. It would mean giving her my full trust, and that was where I drew the line. At least for now. I stepped away and walked over to Shadow instead, taking as many deep breaths as I could to shake off the desire.