Twisted Cravings (The Camorra Chronicles 6)

“He mentioned it, yes, and he told me you found out today.”

“I saw a few minutes from one of the recordings those disgusting perverts did of her.” I swallowed, my pulse beginning to pound savagely again. Talking to Kiara had calmed me but now the fury from before showed its ugly head again. “Remo gave me the CDs with the recordings. He told me he has the names of everyone involved. He wants me to give both to Dinara.”

Kiara didn’t look surprised. In the past this conversation would have caused her tremendous anxiety but now her only reaction was a subtle tension in her body and her fingers kneading the dish towel. “Remo has his own way of thinking.”

“I think he wants Dinara to get revenge. For him it’s only natural that she’ll want to see her abusers dead, even her mother.” I wasn’t entirely sure what I felt about this. On the one hand, the prospect of payback excited me, but on the other, I was worried about the consequences for Dinara.

“And what does Dinara want?”

“I have no clue. She didn’t tell me. She wanted to know the truth. Once she has it, I don’t know what she’ll do with it. Maybe she’ll ask her father to exert revenge.”

“It sounds as if you want her to ask you instead,” Kiara said curiously.

She was right, there was no denying it. If Dinara’s wish was to get revenge on the people who hurt her, then I wanted her to ask me and not her father, or Dima. The worst thing was it wasn’t only because I wanted to help Dinara, a small part of me was also eager for a reason to shed blood. “What do you think is it she wants? You’re probably the only one from all of us who understands her.”

Kiara didn’t say anything at first, her eyes distant as if my words had taken her back many years. Instead of answering, she opened the oven and took out the casserole, obviously weighing her words from the tense look on her face. “Not everyone’s way of coping with trauma is revenge on their abusers. It seems like the logical, maybe even only choice from your brothers’ and maybe even your standpoint, but some people seek reconciliation and a clarifying conversation over violence. What Dinara needs and desires is impossible to say without knowing her.”

I knew Dinara, or at least, I knew as much as she’d allowed me to see so far, but I wasn’t sure of her motives. She was a tough girl, so revenge didn’t seem completely out of the question. “What about you, Kiara? Nino killed your uncle in the cruelest way possible. He exerted revenge on your behalf. Did you want to be avenged? Or would you have preferred to make peace with your abuser?”

Kiara’s face flickered with pain, and her smile became a bit shakier. These small signs showed me that even after all these years, the events still haunted her. Maybe it was impossible to overcome something as horrible for good. It depressed me to think that Dinara would carry the weight of her past on her shoulders forever. “I could have never forgiven him. I needed him gone, but I could have never done it. I don’t think I could have even asked for it, if Nino hadn’t decided to do it. He took the decision, the weight of it, off my hands. Maybe I could have saved my uncle from his fate but I didn’t want to. If he’d lived, I’d have always feared he’d come for me again, even if Nino protected me. To find peace, I needed his death.”

“So you’re grateful to Nino for killing your uncle the way he did.”

“I am, to both Nino and Remo. When I found out he was gone, I felt relief. I never felt guilty over it. It was a necessary step for me to heal.”

“Do you think Dinara wanted me to find out the truth so I’d exert revenge for her?”

“I don’t know. She isn’t helpless like I was back then. She’s got her father and his men as support. From what Nino said, her father knows what happened, so Dinara isn’t burdened to keep it a secret. She could ask her father to kill her abusers, and he’d do it, right?”

“He’d do it, no doubt, but he’d risk Remo’s wrath and retaliation if he shed blood on Camorra territory.”

“Remo wants revenge to happen.”

“He wants it to happen the way he wants it, and I think for him there’s only one person who should shed blood, and that’s Dinara. If I’d kill everyone for Dinara, Remo wouldn’t do anything to me. I’m his brother. He’d be pissed but that would be all. Maybe Dinara suspects it. Or maybe she’d rather risk my life than that of her father or Dima.”