Fallout (Crank 3)

not a commitment, not forever … Dread

stuffs itself into my head, and I can’t say

why, let alone know how to fight it.

IT’S NOT EXACTLY UNUSUAL

For anxiety to trill suddenly.

But usually, somewhere in my brain,

there’s a certainty that it’s ridiculous.

This doesn’t feel that way. This feels

like a warning of coming chaos.

I finish buttoning my blouse,

tuck it into the striking tie-dyed skirt

Aunt Cora gave me on my last birthday.

I’ve never worn it before. It seemed

like a treasure. One to hang in

the closet, a safe place to keep

it. Now that it’s on, it’s only cloth.

I finish dressing, brush back my hair,

tie it loosely with blue velvet ribbon.

Grandfather will be pleased.

But I’m frightened by what

I see, held completely still in

the mirror’s glass grip. The girl

captured there, staring back at me,

is someone I don’t recognize.

THAT GIRL

Curves softly

inside flounces

of fabric. She looks

like the woman

I’m afraid to grow into.