it eats holes in your brain? Well,
it does. And it eats them in the part
of the brain that controls emotions.
But even beyond that. I think the more
she has failed at things like relationships
and parenting, the more she has cut
herself off from feeling bad about those
things. And if you don’t let yourself feel
bad, sooner or later you stop feeling
good, too. You insulate yourself. Build
up layers, like stacking paper, everything
growing heavier. And when the weight
becomes too much, those layers compress.
Become hard. Sad, really, to think that
Kristina has turned herself into cardboard.
Autumn
PRETTY MUCH MISERABLE
That’s how this trip has been,
not that I expected better.
Long, boring stretches of asphalt.
Landscape, mostly scrubbed of life,
at least until around thirty miles
ago. Then low desert gave way
to squat evergreens, hints of real
forest to the west, along the spine
of the Sierra Nevada. So far,
the weather has done nothing
more than loom, threatening.
But we keep heading north,
toward crazy-looking storm clouds.