Fallout (Crank 3)

of my heart. My fingers go numb.

I close my eyes. Concentrate

on my breathing. Deep in. Hold.

Trickle out. Deep in. Hold …

Nobody notices. Good.

Eyes still clamped shut, I hear

Kristina respond. You’re wrong.

I don’t love myself at all. In fact,

I can hardly look at myself

in the mirror some days. Don’t

you think I know what I’ve done?

It’s not that I don’t care. But

I can’t change anything now.

Heart still too quick, but slowing,

I open my eyes just in time

to see Kristina’s tough facade

crumble and fall away with the words …

Summer

I’M SORRY

That’s what Kristina says.

We all look at her as if we haven’t

quite heard her correctly.

But she repeats, I’m so sorry.

I never wanted to be a bad mother.

Maybe that’s why I kept on

trying, kept on begging for another

chance to finally do it right. But I

don’t have the skills, don’t have—

“Don’t you dare say it!” I yell.

“Don’t say you don’t have